In a perfect world, every woman who places a child for adoption would have a supportive system of friends and family to help her through this emotionally challenging process. However, this is not always the case. Some women who choose adoption feel like they have no one to turn to and, therefore, want to pursue a secret adoption in North Carolina.
It’s important to know that a secret or confidential adoption can come with some difficult challenges — for both you and your unborn baby. However, the counselors at A Child’s Hope will work with you to create an adoption plan that you’re comfortable with, including how much of your situation you want to keep confidential from your friends, family and the adoptive parents that you choose for your baby.
To learn more about how you might pursue a secret adoption in your particular situation, it’s best to speak to an adoption counselor call our Pregnancy Hotline: (919) 971-4396, or Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396, or email ach@achildshope.com.
In general, there are three different ways you might pursue a confidential adoption in North Carolina:
Working with an Anonymous Adoption Agency
If you’re pursuing an anonymous adoption in North Carolina, it may be because you don’t want your information and your adoption plan to be known to anyone outside of the adoption agency. At A Child’s Hope, we never share any prospective birth mother’s information unless she requests it. All of your personal information and identifying information will always be kept confidential at our agency, even after your adoption process is complete. No one outside our agency, even your child’s adoptive parents or the child you placed for adoption, will have access to this information unless you want them to.
Working with an anonymous adoption agency also means that you don’t have to share any information or contact with your baby’s adoptive family during the adoption process unless you want to. While many prospective birth mothers choose to pursue an open adoption with some kind of contact with the adoptive family, whether or not you want any contact will be completely up to you. If you want to meet adoptive parents before choosing them but don’t want to share your information, we can arrange for that communication to be mediated by your adoption counselor. Even if you choose to have contact with the adoptive parents, you can still have a confidential adoption where you and the adoptive parents only know each other’s first names. This is known as a semi-open adoption.
Pursuing a Closed Adoption with No Contact
While the majority of prospective birth mothers choose an open or semi-open adoption, you have the right to choose an anonymous adoption — otherwise known as a closed adoption. In a closed adoption, you don’t have to have any contact with your baby’s adoptive parents before, during or after the adoption process is complete. You may still have the chance to choose who you want to adopt your baby, but you do not have to meet them at all unless you want to.
In a closed adoption like this, all communication between you and the adoptive family is mediated by an adoption counselor. After your anonymous adoption is completed, you will have no contact with the adoptive family — which also means you will have no insight into your child’s life as they grow up.
Sometimes, when women choose to pursue a closed or secret adoption, it’s because they think the complete lack of communication will help them heal from the emotions of an adoption. While that may be true for some, for most birth mothers, an open adoption is actually a healthier way to overcome the grief and loss they may feel. Seeing their child grow up reaffirms the adoption decision they made, as they know the opportunities their child has with their adoptive parents.
You always have the right to a closed adoption if you choose so, but there are some important things to consider:
- Closed adoptions are final; it is usually difficult to open up contact afterward if you change your mind.
- Your child will have very little, if any, information about who you are or their biological family history, including important medical records that could be life-saving someday.
- You may not know who your child has grown up to be — and you may need to undergo a challenging search and reunion process if you decide you want to meet them later on.
While a confidential adoption may seem like the right choice for you at this point, you should seriously consider what you want your future to look like (and if you want your child in it) before you choose a closed adoption.
If you wish to pursue a closed adoption in North Carolina, your adoption counselor will work with you to help find a prospective adoptive family that respects your wishes. She’ll also help you prepare for the emotional challenges that may arise in a closed adoption, and she’ll be there for support even after your adoption is completed.
Keeping Your Adoption a Secret in N.C.
If you want a secret adoption in North Carolina, it may be because you hope to keep your pregnancy and adoption a secret from your friends and families. While you may be embarrassed of your unplanned pregnancy or not sure how your friends and family may react, keeping your adoption a secret is usually not the healthiest way to proceed.
Because pregnancy and adoption can be emotionally challenging, it’s best to have someone you can turn to for support throughout the process. Keeping your adoption and pregnancy a secret will not only be difficult in a practical sense but also make it difficult for you to get the emotional support you need in trying moments.
Some women can hide a growing stomach and weight gain more easily than others, but hiding a pregnancy will still be difficult. You’ll have to think about how you’ll explain your doctor’s visits and your maternity leave if you’re trying to keep your pregnancy a secret. While hiding a pregnancy may be ideal to avoid a verbally or physically abusive situation or potential conflict within your family, you’ll need to consider the unique challenges involved, even with the assistance of your adoption counselor at A Child’s Hope. When you’re hiding your pregnancy, it may be difficult to receive the proper prenatal care you need, and you may run into legal issues if you lie about your pregnancy or adoption plans to your baby’s father.
Even if you’re thinking about keeping your adoption a secret from your friends and family, you should still consider sharing your adoption plan with at least one close friend or family member you trust. Having a support system while you’re pregnant and completing your adoption plan will be invaluable; this person can keep you from feeling alone by being there at your doctor’s appointments, when you give birth and any other emotionally difficult times in your adoption process. Remember, adoption is a life-changing decision and, unless you confide in others about your adoption plan, it will be a secret that you’ll keep for life — which can lead to challenging emotions throughout your entire life. While your adoption counselor from A Child’s Hope will always be available to you, we also recommend finding a supportive person within your own life to turn to.
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re looking for a secret adoption in North Carolina by keeping it from your friends and family or looking for a closed adoption that keeps your information confidential, A Child’s Hope can help. By talking to you about your individual situation, we can explain the difficulties of a confidential adoption and help you decide whether it’s really the right choice for you. We can also help you prepare for speaking to your loved ones about your pregnancy and adoption decision and, if need be, can help you find a safe place to continue your pregnancy if you fear for your safety.
We know that every woman’s situation is different, so an open adoption that works for one person may not work for another. A secret adoption will be difficult, but if this is the path that’s right for you, we can help provide you the support and assistance you need. To talk to an adoption counselor about your adoption options today, please call 877-890-4673, text PREGNANT to 919-971-4396 or email ach@achildshope.com.
Click a star near where you live on the NC map to see what counselor would be assigned to you
Kelly Dunbar
Adoption Counselor/Homestudy Supervisor - Triangle
As an adoptive parent I truly have a passion for adoption. There is no greater joy than helping to create a family! I love this job and I love working with adoptive parents as well as the birth parents. When it all comes together it is an awesome experience! Kelly is a graduate of NC State University where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of South Carolina. Kelly has been working with children, families, in the home and in communities for 18 years. Kelly has been working with birth mothers and adoptive parents for the last 5 years. Besides working, she has a great husband and three fabulous children, Landon, Parker and Ansley. Kelly and her husband adopted their daughter with the help of ACH and feels as though her personal experience helps her relate to other adoptive families.
Sloane Mosley
Greensboro
Sloane completed her undergraduate degree in Human Services Counseling at Old Dominion University and holds a Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Southern California. Sloane has been working with children, birth mothers and adopting families for more than 10 years. She loves advocating for children and helping women during pregnancy.
Lakisha Brown
Winston-Salem
Lakisha completed her undergraduate degree in Sociology with a concentration in Social Welfare at Winston-Salem State University. She received her Master of Social Work from Syracuse University. Lakisha has worked with children, individuals and families for more than 12 years. Her experience includes working with at-risk youth, homeless children and families, child mental health, as well as school social work and case management. She is also a long-time basketball fan, a former player and coach. She played at Winston-Salem State University and coached women’s basketball at Elon University and Syracuse University. Lakisha and her husband reside in Alamance County, with their young son.
Jessica Otolinsky
Asheville
Jess completed her undergraduate degree in Communication at the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown and earned her Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Messiah College. Her professional experience includes case management, education, women’s behavioral health including a focus on pregnant mothers, and working with kinship and domestic adoptive families who have experienced trauma. Jess is a native of central Pennsylvania though loves living in Asheville with her significant other. When she is not working, she is likely caring for her puppy and dog, painting, practicing yoga, camping or planning her next road trip to see family and friends or have an adventure in some new place!
Sylvia Senbel
Charlotte
Sylvia is a graduate of Western Carolina University, where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of North Carolina. Sylvia has been working with children and families for more than 19 years. She enjoys gardening, reading, hiking, and spending time with her husband and three boys. She also loves animals, especially her dog Jazzy.
Nicole Barnes
Jacksonville
Nicole completed her undergraduate studies at Chowan University in Psychology with a concentration in Alcohol & Drug Studies and a minor in Criminal Justice. Nicole has provided services to adolescents, teens, college students, the Department of Corrections, the Department of Parole and Probation, the NC Division of Motor Vehicles, the Division of Transportation, and the Department of Defense. She is a Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor and has been working in the mental health field for 15 years.
Suzanne Mangum
Triangle
Suzanne was the primary pregnancy care manager stationed at Duke high-risk perinatal clinic for 20 years. She has a BS in Social Work at UNC Pembroke and is a licensed School Social Worker. She recently worked as a case manager in a substance abuse disorder residential program for women with young children. Suzanne is a “Durhamite” but has resided in Wake County since graduating. Her biggest accomplishment has been happily raising her 14 yo daughter and 3 poodle mixed pups.
Hope Brown
Triangle
Hope completed her undergraduate degree in Social Work at North Carolina Central University. She has worked with children and families for more than 20 years. Hope experience includes working in foster care, CPS as well as a school social worker. Hope loves exercising, football and spending time with her family. Hope resides in Durham County with her son, daughter and her dog Penny.
