If you’re a prospective birth mother who’s considering giving a second or third child up for adoption in North Carolina, know that you’re not alone. In fact, many of the women who choose adoption already have a child that they’re raising, so they better understand the commitment needed to add another child to their life and, therefore, recognize what’s best for them and their family.
Deciding to give a second or third child up for adoption is a brave choice — but we understand it may not be one you can make easily. There are probably a lot of factors that play into you placing a second or third child for adoption, and it’s important you take as much time as you need to decide. Our counselors are always here to provide you information about all of your unplanned pregnancy options for free and with absolutely no obligation to choose adoption until you’re sure it’s right for you. To ask us any questions you have about giving a baby up for adoption if you already have kids, call our Pregnancy Hotline: (919) 971-4396, or Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396, or email ach@achildshope.com.
No matter how many children you already have or whether you’ve already placed a baby for adoption, placing another child for adoption is always an option for you. If you’re in this situation, you probably have several questions you may want answers to before moving forward.
How Can I Give a Second Child Up for Adoption in N.C.?
Many prospective birth mothers in your situation not only wonder about the logistics of this kind of adoption but they also struggle with the emotional aspects of this decision. It’s important to recognize that placing a second child for adoption (or a third child, fourth child or so on) does not mean that you love this child any less than your first. On the contrary, choosing adoption when you know you can’t provide for another child means that you are putting your child’s needs before your own — the sign of a loving mother.
Just because you feel like you cannot care for another child does not mean that you’re “giving up” at being a mother or “giving up” your baby. Instead, with adoption, you’re choosing to give your child the best opportunities in life, which you recognize you cannot provide yourself. Perhaps you can’t financially afford another child, are at an unstable moment in your relationship with your child’s father or know that another child might delay your career or life goals — whatever the reason, choosing to give a second or third child up for adoption will be an option for you.
When you work with A Child’s Hope for your adoption, you’ll get to choose every aspect of your adoption plan. Your counselors will work closely with you to make sure you’re comfortable every step of the way, and we’ll also make sure you get the support you need — including any financial assistance for childcare for the children you’re currently raising as you go through the adoption process.
Another important benefit of choosing adoption with A Child’s Hope is the free counseling from your adoption counselor — who will walk you through your adoption process and the feelings you have, including any concerns over how the adoption will affect your children.
How Do I Explain My Adoption Decision to My Children?
When you choose to give a second or third child up for adoption in North Carolina, you’re probably concerned about how you can explain your decision and the process to the children you already have. After all, they’ll see your pregnancy in all its stages and, unless you make your adoption plan clear to them, they’ll become attached to their new baby brother or sister.
That’s why it’s important to explain your adoption decision to your children as early as possible and as appropriately as their age allows for. Each family situation will be different, so your counselor will offer you suggestions and advice as you navigate these conversations with your children. Here are some general ideas to consider:
- Start explaining adoption to them early. You don’t necessarily need to tell your children about your adoption decision until they understand how adoption works (as best as they can at their age). Try to explain adoption to them in general terms, and familiarize them with adoption movies and books that provide good examples of adoption themes. After you watch movies or read them books, make sure to discuss those themes with them and gauge their reactions.
- Involve your children in your adoption process. Don’t keep your adoption decision a secret from your children; when you feel like they understand what adoption is, explain your choice to them. (Your adoption counselor can give you advice on how to appropriately have this conversation.) After you explain your adoption decision, let your children be a part of your adoption plan. For example, you might involve your children in the process of finding an adoptive family. When children can see and even meet the people their brother or sister is going to live with, they can better visualize exactly what their sibling’s life will be like and be more excited than scared by the prospect of their sibling’s adoption.
- Be accepting of your children’s emotions. Just like you, your children will be going through an emotional time during your adoption process. It’s important to be strong for them and let them express their emotions, whatever they are. Reassure them that just because their sibling is going to live with another family, you’ll never do the same with them. Whether or not you want your children to meet your baby after they’re born will depend on what you think is appropriate, but you should give them the chance to write letters, draw pictures, make crafts or pick out a special gift for their baby sibling — as something that will serve as a reminder as their sibling grows up with their new family.
No matter how you choose to explain your adoption decision to your children, it’s important that it remain an open and honest conversation throughout the process — and even after the adoption is complete. If you try to normalize the process, your children will likely accept your decision in a healthier way, which can lead to a healthy open adoption for your entire family. Children tend to reflect the emotions of their parents in regards to major life changes like adoption, so make sure that you are representing a positive and exciting outlook to your upcoming adoption so they are reassured by you. Giving a second or third child up for adoption will be difficult, but remember that you will have your children there to be strong for and to give you love in this trying moment of your life.
How Do I Decide if Adoption is Right for Me?
If you’re not sure whether or not to give a second or third child up for adoption in North Carolina, it’s important that you research all of the options available to you. At A Child’s Hope, our counselors can give you all the information you need to make the decision that’s best for you. If you choose adoption, we can support you through the process of giving a baby up for adoption when you already have kids and make sure that you and your children are provided all the resources you need, before and after the adoption, to go through this process in a healthy way.
Adoption is a lifelong process, and it’s likely a decision that will impact your children throughout their lives, as well. However, when you approach this kind of adoption in the right way from the very beginning, you’ll be able to create a positive experience for you, your children and the baby you choose to place for adoption.
To learn more about how we can help you give a second or third child up for adoption, please contact A Child’s Hope today.
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Kelly Dunbar
Adoption Counselor/Homestudy Supervisor - Triangle
As an adoptive parent I truly have a passion for adoption. There is no greater joy than helping to create a family! I love this job and I love working with adoptive parents as well as the birth parents. When it all comes together it is an awesome experience! Kelly is a graduate of NC State University where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of South Carolina. Kelly has been working with children, families, in the home and in communities for 18 years. Kelly has been working with birth mothers and adoptive parents for the last 5 years. Besides working, she has a great husband and three fabulous children, Landon, Parker and Ansley. Kelly and her husband adopted their daughter with the help of ACH and feels as though her personal experience helps her relate to other adoptive families.
Sloane Mosley
Greensboro
Sloane completed her undergraduate degree in Human Services Counseling at Old Dominion University and holds a Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Southern California. Sloane has been working with children, birth mothers and adopting families for more than 10 years. She loves advocating for children and helping women during pregnancy.
Lakisha Brown
Winston-Salem
Lakisha completed her undergraduate degree in Sociology with a concentration in Social Welfare at Winston-Salem State University. She received her Master of Social Work from Syracuse University. Lakisha has worked with children, individuals and families for more than 12 years. Her experience includes working with at-risk youth, homeless children and families, child mental health, as well as school social work and case management. She is also a long-time basketball fan, a former player and coach. She played at Winston-Salem State University and coached women’s basketball at Elon University and Syracuse University. Lakisha and her husband reside in Alamance County, with their young son.
Jessica Otolinsky
Asheville
Jess completed her undergraduate degree in Communication at the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown and earned her Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Messiah College. Her professional experience includes case management, education, women’s behavioral health including a focus on pregnant mothers, and working with kinship and domestic adoptive families who have experienced trauma. Jess is a native of central Pennsylvania though loves living in Asheville with her significant other. When she is not working, she is likely caring for her puppy and dog, painting, practicing yoga, camping or planning her next road trip to see family and friends or have an adventure in some new place!
Sylvia Senbel
Charlotte
Sylvia is a graduate of Western Carolina University, where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of North Carolina. Sylvia has been working with children and families for more than 19 years. She enjoys gardening, reading, hiking, and spending time with her husband and three boys. She also loves animals, especially her dog Jazzy.
Nicole Barnes
Jacksonville
Nicole completed her undergraduate studies at Chowan University in Psychology with a concentration in Alcohol & Drug Studies and a minor in Criminal Justice. Nicole has provided services to adolescents, teens, college students, the Department of Corrections, the Department of Parole and Probation, the NC Division of Motor Vehicles, the Division of Transportation, and the Department of Defense. She is a Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor and has been working in the mental health field for 15 years.
Suzanne Mangum
Triangle
Suzanne was the primary pregnancy care manager stationed at Duke high-risk perinatal clinic for 20 years. She has a BS in Social Work at UNC Pembroke and is a licensed School Social Worker. She recently worked as a case manager in a substance abuse disorder residential program for women with young children. Suzanne is a “Durhamite” but has resided in Wake County since graduating. Her biggest accomplishment has been happily raising her 14 yo daughter and 3 poodle mixed pups.
Hope Brown
Triangle
Hope completed her undergraduate degree in Social Work at North Carolina Central University. She has worked with children and families for more than 20 years. Hope experience includes working in foster care, CPS as well as a school social worker. Hope loves exercising, football and spending time with her family. Hope resides in Durham County with her son, daughter and her dog Penny.
