When you research adoption, a lot of resources come up for women facing an unplanned pregnancy. But, what about available information for prospective birth fathers?
If you’re the father of a baby being placed for adoption, you’re probably wondering what your role is in the process. The good news is that you can be as involved as you want when it comes to your baby’s adoption plan and life with their adoptive family. The adoption counselors at A Child’s Hope can help you understand your legal rights in adoption and provide counseling for whatever emotions you are feeling during this time.
While a birth mother is obviously an important part of the adoption process, we recognize that birth fathers also play an important role in adoption — and deserve just as much attention as the birth mother. That’s why, at A Child’s Hope, we encourage birth fathers to get involved in the adoption process, too.
When you work with your baby’s mother to create an adoption plan, you may get to:
- Help choose an adoptive family for your baby
- Receive open or semi-open adoption contact before, during and after the adoption process
- Participate in match meetings and pre-placement contact with the adoptive family
- Accompany your baby’s mother to the hospital and be involved in her birth plan
- And more
How much or how little you wish to be involved in your baby’s adoption is up to you. Even if you and the birth mother are not in a relationship, you still have a right to be a part of your baby’s adoption process. In fact, many prospective birth mothers are relieved when their baby’s father chooses to be involved in the adoption, and your support and assistance will mean the world to her during this difficult time.
Emotions of a Birth Father
When you find out that a woman you’ve been with is pregnant and placing your baby for adoption, you’ll likely go through some confusing emotions. Many times, prospective birth fathers feel like choosing adoption represents failure, when it’s exactly the opposite.
When you choose adoption for the best interest of your child, there is nothing to be ashamed about — but many men are worried about how the adoption will reflect on them. You may feel like you’ve failed as a father if you can’t care for your baby, and you may think that family and friends will look down on you for not “stepping up” and parenting the child. However, adoption is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Choosing adoption does not mean you are “giving up” as a father; instead, it’s the bravest, most mature choice you can make with the baby’s mother. Choosing to support your baby’s mother and her decision during this time in her life is the most responsible thing you can do. Recognizing that an adoptive family can provide a better life for your unborn baby is not an easy thing to do, but it’s the mark of a true father who’s considering what’s best for his child.
Getting to this decision can be difficult, which is why A Child’s Hope offers free counseling services to help you through any conflicting or difficult emotions you’re experiencing before, during and after the adoption process. We can also mediate your adoption planning with the prospective birth mother so that you can make an adoption plan that you’re both comfortable and happy with. For example, if you’re worried because you want more contact with your child than their mother does, we can make sure you receive the kind of contact you want, even if your baby’s mother doesn’t.
Choosing adoption isn’t always easy, and the process isn’t any easier because you’re not the one who’s pregnant. However, know that you can be involved in your baby’s adoption process and be a responsible birth father — one that your child will respect and love as they grow up and understand your decision.
To learn more about your rights as a birth father and how you can get involved in your baby’s adoption, please call our Pregnancy Hotline: (919) 971-4396, or Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396, or email ach@achildshope.com.
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Kelly Dunbar
Adoption Counselor/Homestudy Supervisor - Triangle
As an adoptive parent I truly have a passion for adoption. There is no greater joy than helping to create a family! I love this job and I love working with adoptive parents as well as the birth parents. When it all comes together it is an awesome experience! Kelly is a graduate of NC State University where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of South Carolina. Kelly has been working with children, families, in the home and in communities for 18 years. Kelly has been working with birth mothers and adoptive parents for the last 5 years. Besides working, she has a great husband and three fabulous children, Landon, Parker and Ansley. Kelly and her husband adopted their daughter with the help of ACH and feels as though her personal experience helps her relate to other adoptive families.
Sloane Mosley
Greensboro
Sloane completed her undergraduate degree in Human Services Counseling at Old Dominion University and holds a Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Southern California. Sloane has been working with children, birth mothers and adopting families for more than 10 years. She loves advocating for children and helping women during pregnancy.
Lakisha Brown
Winston-Salem
Lakisha completed her undergraduate degree in Sociology with a concentration in Social Welfare at Winston-Salem State University. She received her Master of Social Work from Syracuse University. Lakisha has worked with children, individuals and families for more than 12 years. Her experience includes working with at-risk youth, homeless children and families, child mental health, as well as school social work and case management. She is also a long-time basketball fan, a former player and coach. She played at Winston-Salem State University and coached women’s basketball at Elon University and Syracuse University. Lakisha and her husband reside in Alamance County, with their young son.
Jessica Otolinsky
Asheville
Jess completed her undergraduate degree in Communication at the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown and earned her Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Messiah College. Her professional experience includes case management, education, women’s behavioral health including a focus on pregnant mothers, and working with kinship and domestic adoptive families who have experienced trauma. Jess is a native of central Pennsylvania though loves living in Asheville with her significant other. When she is not working, she is likely caring for her puppy and dog, painting, practicing yoga, camping or planning her next road trip to see family and friends or have an adventure in some new place!
Sylvia Senbel
Charlotte
Sylvia is a graduate of Western Carolina University, where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of North Carolina. Sylvia has been working with children and families for more than 19 years. She enjoys gardening, reading, hiking, and spending time with her husband and three boys. She also loves animals, especially her dog Jazzy.
Nicole Barnes
Jacksonville
Nicole completed her undergraduate studies at Chowan University in Psychology with a concentration in Alcohol & Drug Studies and a minor in Criminal Justice. Nicole has provided services to adolescents, teens, college students, the Department of Corrections, the Department of Parole and Probation, the NC Division of Motor Vehicles, the Division of Transportation, and the Department of Defense. She is a Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor and has been working in the mental health field for 15 years.
Suzanne Mangum
Triangle
Suzanne was the primary pregnancy care manager stationed at Duke high-risk perinatal clinic for 20 years. She has a BS in Social Work at UNC Pembroke and is a licensed School Social Worker. She recently worked as a case manager in a substance abuse disorder residential program for women with young children. Suzanne is a “Durhamite” but has resided in Wake County since graduating. Her biggest accomplishment has been happily raising her 14 yo daughter and 3 poodle mixed pups.
Hope Brown
Triangle
Hope completed her undergraduate degree in Social Work at North Carolina Central University. She has worked with children and families for more than 20 years. Hope experience includes working in foster care, CPS as well as a school social worker. Hope loves exercising, football and spending time with her family. Hope resides in Durham County with her son, daughter and her dog Penny.
