Deciding how to proceed with an unplanned pregnancy is a decision that’s entirely up to you. Whether you want to involve others in that discussion or your subsequent adoption plan (should you choose this path) will also be up to you.
While you can certainly choose to pursue your adoption journey on your own, it’s incredibly helpful to create an adoption support group of even a few friends or family members that you can confide in during this process. Adoption is an emotional and challenging process at times, so having someone who knows what you’re going through can be invaluable. However, even if you have someone in mind, you may be worried about how to tell them about your adoption plan, especially if you’re unsure of how they will react.
The counselors at A Child’s Hope can help. While we know that every prospective birth mother’s situation is different, we can provide you advice and guidance on how to best introduce your adoption plan to those you want to know about it — and how they can best support you as you go through this process together. You can always call our Pregnancy Hotline: (919) 971-4396, or Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396, or email ach@achildshope.com.
It can be intimidating to prepare for this conversation with friends and family members, but here are some steps you can take to make it a little easier:
1. Talk to an adoption professional.
If you’ve decided to place your child for adoption but haven’t yet started the process, talking to A Child’s Hope should be your first step. It’s important that you understand exactly what your adoption will entail, not only for your own sake but so you also can answer in detail any questions your friends and family will have when you tell them about your decision. You can also create a detailed adoption plan with a counselor at A Child’s Hope, which you can then present to your friends and family, reducing the likelihood that they’ll try to pressure you into making a decision you’re not happy with.
2. Decide who you want to tell about your adoption.
Adoption is a very personal journey, and who you decide to involve in it will be entirely up to you. Before you choose who to tell about your adoption, you might want to consider who would be a positive, supportive person to involve. You may not know exactly how someone will react ahead of time, but your adoption counselor will help you prepare for what could be a difficult conversation with positive phrases and expressions.
3. Prepare for this conversation.
Before you speak with your friends and family members, your adoption counselor will ask you about your personal relationships and help you prepare for their possible reactions to your news. As part of the preparation you’ll do, you may want to consider how exactly you’ll tell your friends and family about your adoption decision.
For example, most pregnant women choose to tell their friends and families in person, but if you want to provide all the details and information without being interrupted, you may choose to give them a written note first or ask them to not say anything until you’ve explained your whole decision. That way, you can say what you need to and then answer the questions they have. It’s probably a good idea to explain how you came to your decision and why you think it’s the best choice for you and your baby.
Again, your adoption counselor can help you determine what course of action might be best for you given your particular family situation.
4. Tell your friends and family.
After you decide who you will tell about your adoption plan and have prepared for any questions and possible reactions, it’s time to share your news. Generally, it’s a good idea to approach each family member or friend separately to give them time to react in a neutral space without influence from others. As mentioned before, start by telling those who will be most supportive of your decision so you have a support system for when you tell others whose reactions may not be as positive.
If you haven’t yet told your family about your pregnancy, that should be the first step. To avoid overwhelming them, you should consider sharing the news of your pregnancy and adoption plan at different times. But, if you feel like the opportunity has presented itself to explain both at once, you can — you’re the best judge of your family and friends’ reactions.
As you tell your friends and family, you should be prepared for their reactions. They will likely be shocked and, while emotional, may say things they don’t mean. Be ready to answer any questions they have about your adoption decision; the more information they have, the more they will be able to understand your decision. Many people still have outdated ideas of how adoption works, so take this opportunity to educate them about how beneficial your choice is for all involved.
More than anything, make sure you stay strong and defend your right to your decision. You are the only one who knows what’s best for your baby, and you are making the right decision.
5. Involve Your Friends and Family in Your Adoption
If your friends and family have positive reactions to your adoption, you might want to involve them in your adoption as much as you’re comfortable with. This will be a great way for them to further understand your adoption decision and be a great source of support as you move forward with any potential challenges in your adoption. For example, you may want certain friends or family members to help you choose an adoptive family or be there at the hospital while you give birth. Make sure your friends and family understand how important their support is to you during and after your adoption process.
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Choosing to tell your family and friends about your adoption can be a big step to take, which is why our adoption counselors will work with you to ensure you’re prepared for what this conversation may look like. This can be a delicate conversation, so we encourage you to speak with us before approaching your family and friends — to make sure you receive the most positive reactions possible. Remember, more than anything else, your friends and family want you to be happy, safe and successful, and when you explain that adoption will help you and your unborn baby to do that, they will usually support your decision.
To learn more about how to talk to your family and friends about your adoption plan, please contact A Child’s Hope today.
Click a star near where you live on the NC map to see what counselor would be assigned to you.
Kelly Dunbar
Adoption Counselor/Homestudy Supervisor - Triangle
As an adoptive parent I truly have a passion for adoption. There is no greater joy than helping to create a family! I love this job and I love working with adoptive parents as well as the birth parents. When it all comes together it is an awesome experience! Kelly is a graduate of NC State University where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of South Carolina. Kelly has been working with children, families, in the home and in communities for 18 years. Kelly has been working with birth mothers and adoptive parents for the last 5 years. Besides working, she has a great husband and three fabulous children, Landon, Parker and Ansley. Kelly and her husband adopted their daughter with the help of ACH and feels as though her personal experience helps her relate to other adoptive families.
Sloane Mosley
Greensboro
Sloane completed her undergraduate degree in Human Services Counseling at Old Dominion University and holds a Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Southern California. Sloane has been working with children, birth mothers and adopting families for more than 10 years. She loves advocating for children and helping women during pregnancy.
Lakisha Brown
Winston-Salem
Lakisha completed her undergraduate degree in Sociology with a concentration in Social Welfare at Winston-Salem State University. She received her Master of Social Work from Syracuse University. Lakisha has worked with children, individuals and families for more than 12 years. Her experience includes working with at-risk youth, homeless children and families, child mental health, as well as school social work and case management. She is also a long-time basketball fan, a former player and coach. She played at Winston-Salem State University and coached women’s basketball at Elon University and Syracuse University. Lakisha and her husband reside in Alamance County, with their young son.
Jessica Otolinsky
Asheville
Jess completed her undergraduate degree in Communication at the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown and earned her Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Messiah College. Her professional experience includes case management, education, women’s behavioral health including a focus on pregnant mothers, and working with kinship and domestic adoptive families who have experienced trauma. Jess is a native of central Pennsylvania though loves living in Asheville with her significant other. When she is not working, she is likely caring for her puppy and dog, painting, practicing yoga, camping or planning her next road trip to see family and friends or have an adventure in some new place!
Sylvia Senbel
Charlotte
Sylvia is a graduate of Western Carolina University, where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of North Carolina. Sylvia has been working with children and families for more than 19 years. She enjoys gardening, reading, hiking, and spending time with her husband and three boys. She also loves animals, especially her dog Jazzy.
Nicole Barnes
Jacksonville
Nicole completed her undergraduate studies at Chowan University in Psychology with a concentration in Alcohol & Drug Studies and a minor in Criminal Justice. Nicole has provided services to adolescents, teens, college students, the Department of Corrections, the Department of Parole and Probation, the NC Division of Motor Vehicles, the Division of Transportation, and the Department of Defense. She is a Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor and has been working in the mental health field for 15 years.
Suzanne Mangum
Triangle
Suzanne was the primary pregnancy care manager stationed at Duke high-risk perinatal clinic for 20 years. She has a BS in Social Work at UNC Pembroke and is a licensed School Social Worker. She recently worked as a case manager in a substance abuse disorder residential program for women with young children. Suzanne is a “Durhamite” but has resided in Wake County since graduating. Her biggest accomplishment has been happily raising her 14 yo daughter and 3 poodle mixed pups.
Hope Brown
Triangle
Hope completed her undergraduate degree in Social Work at North Carolina Central University. She has worked with children and families for more than 20 years. Hope experience includes working in foster care, CPS as well as a school social worker. Hope loves exercising, football and spending time with her family. Hope resides in Durham County with her son, daughter and her dog Penny.
