What are the Questions I Should Ask Adoptive Parents?

When you decide that adoption is right for you and your baby, one of the biggest questions you probably have is, “Who will adopt my baby?” Fortunately, in today’s modern open adoptions, you not only get the chance to choose which prospective adoptive parents will adopt your baby, but you’ll also get to meet them and ask them whatever questions you have before making this important decision.

But what exactly are the questions to ask adoptive parents when you meet them for the first time? How do you know what to ask adoptive parents and what not to ask when you’re trying to determine if they would be a perfect family for your unborn baby?

Talking with adoptive parents can seem overwhelming, but you should know that a counselor from A Child’s Hope will be there not only to help you prepare interview questions to ask adoptive parents but also to mediate your first conversation (and any additional conversations you may need). We know how important it is to make sure that an adoptive family is right for your baby, which is why we’ll help you find out everything you need to know before selecting one.

To learn more about how we help you find the perfect adoptive family, you can contact us for free today by calling our Pregnancy Hotline: (919) 971-4396, or Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396, or email ach@achildshope.com.   Here’s how the pre-placement contact process goes with a prospective adoptive family at A Child’s Hope:

1. View Adoption Profiles

Before you even meet a prospective adoptive family, your adoption counselor will help you determine your preferences for an adoptive family. From there, she’ll show you profiles of families who match your desires. If you find a family that you like, your counselor will set up a match meeting between you and them.

2. Meet the Adoptive Family

To help you decide if a family is right for you, you’ll have the opportunity to speak to them in-person. Your adoption counselor will be there to assist you both in this meeting, and she’ll mediate the conversation so both parties feel comfortable and can find out what they want to know. This meeting usually takes place somewhere you’re comfortable, like a local restaurant in your hometown.

3. Continue Your Conversation

If you decide that a prospective adoptive family is the right one from this first conversation, your adoption counselor will finalize your match and move you forward with the adoption process. (If you’re not sure if the family is the right fit, that’s okay; your counselor can set up additional meetings or start searching for other prospective adoptive families). You’ll be able to start building your relationship with the adoptive family in whatever way you’re comfortable — emails, letters, phone calls, etc. — and your adoption counselor will be there if you ever have any questions about appropriately talking with the adoptive parents.

While these steps may seem simple, we know it can be stressful to think about what questions to ask adoptive parents and what questions not to ask adoptive parents during the initial match meeting. It’s understandable that you want to get as much information as possible, but you may be nervous about saying or asking the wrong thing. Remember, your adoption counselor will be there to offer advice and preparation whenever you need it.

Questions to Ask Adoptive Parents in N.C.

When you meet with prospective adoptive parents for the first time, you will probably already have a list of questions you’ll ask them. These questions to ask an adoptive family could be questions about who they are, their lifestyle and how they’ll raise your child. After all, these are the important things you need to know when you’re deciding who will adopt your baby.

Your adoption counselor will help you create a list of questions to ask potential adoptive parents, but here are some good ones to start with:

• Why did you decide on adoption?
• Why most excites you about adopting a baby?
• How did you guys meet each other, and what qualities do you like best about each other?
• What were your childhoods like? What do you want your new child to experience that you did?
• What is your daily life like? What are your hobbies and interests?
• How would you describe your personalities?
• What are your neighborhood, school system and community like? How is it conducive to raising an adopted child?
• What do you hope to teach a new child?
• What are your values/religion/belief system? How do you plan to teach those to an adopted child?
• How do you plan on talking to your child about adoption?
• What kind of relationship do you want to have with me before, during and after the adoption process?

These are just some questions to ask potential adoptive parents, and some may already be answered when you view their adoptive family profile. So, while you’re viewing their profile, it’s a good idea to write down any questions that may come up — that way they can be answered in your first match meeting.

Questions Not to Ask Adoptive Parents in N.C.

Equally important are topics to avoid when you’re first meeting with an adoptive family. Your adoption counselor will give you a basic explanation of the prospective adoptive parents’ situation before meeting them, including any sensitive issues to avoid, but here are some topics you should generally avoid talking about when you first meet them:

• Infertility: While not all adoptive parents have chosen adoption because of infertility issues, many have, and it will likely have been a long, difficult struggle that has led them to this point. Some won’t want to discuss it until they’re ready, so don’t bring it up in your first conversation. If they bring it up themselves, be empathetic but don’t ask probing questions that could reopen their emotional wounds.
• Money: Any financial assistance you may receive during the adoption process will be handled through your adoption counselor. Mentioning these finances during the first conversation can come off the wrong way and may make the adoptive family think you’re interested for the wrong reasons. Know that any family you are matched with can financially afford the adoption process and raise your child in a financially stable household.
• Anything too detailed or too invasive: Your match meeting with a prospective adoptive family may feel in many ways like a first date; you want to see if your personalities match and whether you can build a relationship with this family. Just like on a first date, however, you don’t want to ask questions that are too invasive, as this can be uncomfortable for all parties. Remember, the adoptive parents will be asking you questions, too, so consider whether you would be comfortable answering such invasive questions from strangers you’ve just met.

There may seem like a lot to consider for your first conversation with the prospective adoptive family, but your adoption counselor will be there to help you prepare as much as you need her. This first match meeting is a key part of finding the perfect adoptive family for your baby, so it’s important that you get all of the answers you need to make an informed decision that’s best for both of you. Knowing which questions to ask adoptive parents is just one part of that.

To learn more about how we can help you find a prospective adoptive family that’s perfect for your baby, please contact us today for our free, no-obligation services.