What Will the Child I Placed Think of My Adoption Decision?

As you’re considering placing your baby for adoption in North Carolina, you’ve likely been told about all the benefits of adoption for you, the adoptive parents and your child. Still, even with all of the positive things that come from adoption, you may wonder: What will my child think of my decision to place them for adoption?

You may be worried that your child won’t understand your decision or, worse, harbor ill feelings toward you. While this is a common fear to have, modern open adoptions have all but eliminated this situation for adoptees. Because many adoptees today are raised with a healthy understanding of their adoption story from the moment they’re born, they love and respect their birth mothers for the difficult choice they made to place them for adoption.

How an Adoptee Feels About Their Adoption and Birth Mother

Today, more than 90 percent of adopted children ages 5 or older have positive feelings about their adoption story. This is largely due to the openness of adoption today; many children are taught about their adoption from the moment they’re born, eliminating any surprise discoveries of the truth (which are typically reasons why adoptees feel anger about their adoption).

In many cases, adoptees even get to have a personal relationship with their birth mother — and this is absolutely something you can choose to do when you place your baby with an adoptive family. This personal relationship allows your child to hear about your reasoning for your adoption decision straight from you, and they’ll respect your bravery to share your story with them, even when it’s difficult at times. Honesty and openness in an adoption is what makes it a positive experience for all, which is why it’s no wonder that 95 percent of adoptions completed today have some degree of openness.

Openness in adoption not only allows for a positive relationship between you and your child, but it also promotes a healthy sense of self-identity for your child. Rather than wonder about their adoption story and family history, adoptees can get answers to their questions and constantly be reassured about their birth parents’ love for them. When adoptees know about their adoption story, they know they weren’t “given up”; instead, their birth parents made the selfless, loving decision to give them their best chance at life possible.

Therefore, the majority of adoptees today have highly positive views of their adoption story — so if you’re worried about what your child will think of you, know that, with the proper open adoption relationship, your child will love and respect you as their birth mother.

How to Ensure a Positive Relationship with the Child You Placed

While open and semi-open adoptions play a large role in your child understanding your adoption decision, how much and what kind of contact you want with them will be up to you. Some birth mothers choose to have a personal relationship with their baby, while others choose to only communicate through photos and letters sent to their baby’s adoptive parents. No matter what kind of communication you’re comfortable with, to ensure that your child respects and loves you for your adoption decision, you should be willing to honestly share your reasoning for adoption with them (either directly or through their adoptive parents). This will play a huge role in maintaining a positive relationship with your child as they grow up.

When you work with A Child’s Hope for your North Carolina adoption, we’ll prepare you for potential challenges in adoption, including navigating a relationship with your child. We know how important it is to you that your child views you with love and positivity, and we will work closely with you and your baby’s adoptive parents to make sure that’s the case. Adoption with A Child’s Hope is not a secret; it’s something we celebrate and encourage all members of the adoption triad to be proud of.

To learn more about how we protect your relationship with the child you place for adoption, or to start the adoption process today, please call our Pregnancy Hotline: (919) 971-4396, or Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396, or email ach@achildshope.com.

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Kelly Dunbar

Adoption Counselor/Homestudy Supervisor - Triangle

As an adoptive parent I truly have a passion for adoption. There is no greater joy than helping to create a family! I love this job and I love working with adoptive parents as well as the birth parents. When it all comes together it is an awesome experience! Kelly is a graduate of NC State University where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of South Carolina. Kelly has been working with children, families, in the home and in communities for 18 years. Kelly has been working with birth mothers and adoptive parents for the last 5 years.  Besides working, she has a great husband and three fabulous children, Landon, Parker and Ansley. Kelly and her husband adopted their daughter with the help of ACH and feels as though her personal experience helps her relate to other adoptive families.

Sloane Mosley

Greensboro

Sloane completed her undergraduate degree in Human Services Counseling at Old Dominion University and holds a Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Southern California. Sloane has been working with children, birth mothers and adopting families for more than 10 years. She loves advocating for children and helping women during pregnancy.

Lakisha Brown

Winston-Salem

Lakisha completed her undergraduate degree in Sociology with a concentration in Social Welfare at Winston-Salem State University. She received her Master of Social Work from Syracuse University. Lakisha has worked with children, individuals and families for more than 12 years. Her experience includes working with at-risk youth, homeless children and families, child mental health, as well as school social work and case management. She is also a long-time basketball fan, a former player and coach. She played at Winston-Salem State University and coached women’s basketball at Elon University and Syracuse University. Lakisha and her husband reside in Alamance County, with their young son.

Jessica Otolinsky

Asheville

Jess completed her undergraduate degree in Communication at the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown and earned her Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Messiah College. Her professional experience includes case management, education, women’s behavioral health including a focus on pregnant mothers, and working with kinship and domestic adoptive families who have experienced trauma. Jess is a native of central Pennsylvania though loves living in Asheville with her significant other. When she is not working, she is likely caring for her puppy and dog, painting, practicing yoga, camping or planning her next road trip to see family and friends or have an adventure in some new place!

Sylvia Senbel

Charlotte

Sylvia is a graduate of Western Carolina University, where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of North Carolina. Sylvia has been working with children and families for more than 19 years. She enjoys gardening, reading, hiking, and spending time with her husband and three boys. She also loves animals, especially her dog Jazzy.

Nicole Barnes

Jacksonville

Nicole completed her undergraduate studies at Chowan University in Psychology with a concentration in Alcohol & Drug Studies and a minor in Criminal Justice. Nicole has provided services to adolescents, teens, college students, the Department of Corrections, the Department of Parole and Probation, the NC Division of Motor Vehicles, the Division of Transportation, and the Department of Defense. She is a Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor and has been working in the mental health field for 15 years.

Suzanne Mangum

Triangle

Suzanne was the primary pregnancy care manager stationed at Duke high-risk perinatal clinic for 20 years. She has a BS in Social Work at UNC Pembroke and is a licensed School Social Worker. She recently worked as a case manager in a substance abuse disorder residential program for women with young children. Suzanne is a “Durhamite” but has resided in Wake County since graduating. Her biggest accomplishment has been happily raising her 14 yo daughter and 3 poodle mixed pups.