How Do I Tell My Baby’s Father About My Adoption Plan?

When you choose to place your unborn baby for adoption, you’re making one of the bravest, most difficult choices you’ll ever have to make in your life. While you know this is the best choice for your baby, you may worry that your baby’s father will not — and, depending on your relationship with him, he may not have been involved in the decision-making process or even know about your pregnancy at all.

While you may wish to continue with the adoption process without his involvement, there are certain steps that North Carolina law requires for birth father consent before an adoption can place. Because your baby’s father has inherent parental rights, he will have to be informed of your adoption plan before your baby can be placed with an adoptive family.

No matter what your situation or relationship with your baby’s father, A Child’s Hope can help. We’ll make sure any potential father to your baby is properly informed of his legal rights and consent process, and we’ll make sure it’s done in a way that protects your safety. Before you speak to the father on your own, we highly encourage you to contact our adoption counselors at 877-890-4673, text PREGNANT to 919-971-4396 or email ach@achildshope.com to learn how to properly address this topic with him — and how our legal team can help you.

The Rights of Birth Fathers in North Carolina

You may be wondering, “Why do I have to tell my baby’s father about my adoption plan?”

North Carolina has “notice laws” in place, which protect the right of a baby’s father to know about any adoption plan made for their baby. Just like you are provided unplanned pregnancy advice when you’re considering adoption, a baby’s father has the right to know exactly what adoption means and how adoption will affect his parental rights.

Fortunately, the professionals at A Child’s Hope can ensure that proper laws are followed in regards to a father’s legal rights in adoption. Here’s how it works:

After you have placed your baby for adoption, we will provide legal notice to the birth father. We will also attempt to contact the birth father before the delivery, if possible, to ensure that he knows of the adoption plan and the pregnancy. If you don’t know who your baby’s birth father is, we’ll usually contact all potential fathers and, once your baby is born, complete a DNA test to obtain any necessary adoption consent.

If the father does not respond within a certain timeframe of receiving the legal notice, the court will enter an order that his consent is not required for the adoption. If he does respond to the notice, the court may still determine that his consent is not required for a number of other reasons; however, this varies on a case-by-case basis.

While it is sometimes possible to proceed with adoption without consent, this depends primarily on your personal circumstances. Speak with your adoption counselor to learn more about birth father rights in North Carolina, and always be honest about your situation so we can help you make the best plan for yourself and your baby. It’s important that you always keep proof of telling the baby’s father about your pregnancy, so we can best assist you in your adoption moving forward.

How to Explain Your Adoption Decision to Your Baby’s Father

In North Carolina, your baby’s biological father is entitled to notice of your adoption plans. When you contact A Child’s Hope, your adoption counselor will ask you some questions about your baby’s birth father and discuss what you have told him about your pregnancy and your plans to place for adoption.

Many women are nervous to tell their baby’s father about their adoption decision, but you will likely need to make diligent efforts to contact him. Your adoption counselor may be able to serve your baby’s father notice on your behalf but, if you have a close relationship with him, you may want to tell him yourself. Before doing so, you’ll want to prepare with your adoption counselor for this conversation.

Here are some suggestions for talking to your baby’s birth father about your adoption plan:

  • Plan what you want to say. It may be helpful to write down your thoughts or practice the conversation ahead of time. Your adoption counselor can help prepare you for what to expect and give you suggestions before you contact him.
  • Remain calm. During the conversation, calmly explain why you think adoption is the best choice for you, your baby and your baby’s father. Let him know that you have spent a lot of time thinking through your adoption plan, you feel confident in your adoption decision, and you would appreciate his support throughout the adoption process.
  • Listen. Give him an opportunity to respond and listen to his thoughts. Let him know that you understand and appreciate his perspective.
  • Talk to him about a DNA test. Do not be upset if the birth father requests a DNA test to confirm his parentage. He has a right to know if the child is his biological child. The DNA process is simple: The birth father can give a DNA sample, after which it can be stored until the baby’s birth. Talk to your adoption counselor for more information about this process.
  • Contact your counselor. If your baby’s father is unwilling to listen to you, suggest that he speak to your adoption counselor together with you or separately. Often, unsupportive birth fathers simply need more information about adoption to feel more comfortable with the process.

Telling your baby’s father about your adoption plan may seem intimidating, but know that many birth fathers will support your adoption plan, whether or not they want to personally be a part of it. Hearing your decision from you may help him feel better than if he were blindsided by a lawyer — and taking this step can help preserve any relationship you have with him.

Before you tell the baby’s birth father about your adoption plan, however, make sure that you contact an adoption counselor at A Child’s Hope to learn more about his legal rights and how you can prepare for this conversation.

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Birthmother Hotline: (877) 890-4673

Envia Un Texto: (919) 218-6270

Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396