Deciding how to proceed with an unplanned pregnancy is a decision that’s entirely up to you. Whether you want to involve others in that discussion or your subsequent adoption plan (should you choose this path) will also be up to you.
While you can certainly choose to pursue your adoption journey on your own, it’s incredibly helpful to create an adoption support group of even a few friends or family members that you can confide in during this process. Adoption is an emotional and challenging process at times, so having someone who knows what you’re going through can be invaluable. However, even if you have someone in mind, you may be worried about how to tell them about your adoption plan, especially if you’re unsure of how they will react.
The counselors at A Child’s Hope can help. While we know that every prospective birth mother’s situation is different, we can provide you advice and guidance on how to best introduce your adoption plan to those you want to know about it — and how they can best support you as you go through this process together. You can always call our Pregnancy Hotline: (919) 971-4396, or Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396, or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
It can be intimidating to prepare for this conversation with friends and family members, but here are some steps you can take to make it a little easier:
If you’ve decided to place your child for adoption but haven’t yet started the process, talking to A Child’s Hope should be your first step. It’s important that you understand exactly what your adoption will entail, not only for your own sake but so you also can answer in detail any questions your friends and family will have when you tell them about your decision. You can also create a detailed adoption plan with a counselor at A Child’s Hope, which you can then present to your friends and family, reducing the likelihood that they’ll try to pressure you into making a decision you’re not happy with.
Adoption is a very personal journey, and who you decide to involve in it will be entirely up to you. Before you choose who to tell about your adoption, you might want to consider who would be a positive, supportive person to involve. You may not know exactly how someone will react ahead of time, but your adoption counselor will help you prepare for what could be a difficult conversation with positive phrases and expressions.
Before you speak with your friends and family members, your adoption counselor will ask you about your personal relationships and help you prepare for their possible reactions to your news. As part of the preparation you’ll do, you may want to consider how exactly you’ll tell your friends and family about your adoption decision.
For example, most pregnant women choose to tell their friends and families in person, but if you want to provide all the details and information without being interrupted, you may choose to give them a written note first or ask them to not say anything until you’ve explained your whole decision. That way, you can say what you need to and then answer the questions they have. It’s probably a good idea to explain how you came to your decision and why you think it’s the best choice for you and your baby.
Again, your adoption counselor can help you determine what course of action might be best for you given your particular family situation.
After you decide who you will tell about your adoption plan and have prepared for any questions and possible reactions, it’s time to share your news. Generally, it’s a good idea to approach each family member or friend separately to give them time to react in a neutral space without influence from others. As mentioned before, start by telling those who will be most supportive of your decision so you have a support system for when you tell others whose reactions may not be as positive.
If you haven’t yet told your family about your pregnancy, that should be the first step. To avoid overwhelming them, you should consider sharing the news of your pregnancy and adoption plan at different times. But, if you feel like the opportunity has presented itself to explain both at once, you can — you’re the best judge of your family and friends’ reactions.
As you tell your friends and family, you should be prepared for their reactions. They will likely be shocked and, while emotional, may say things they don’t mean. Be ready to answer any questions they have about your adoption decision; the more information they have, the more they will be able to understand your decision. Many people still have outdated ideas of how adoption works, so take this opportunity to educate them about how beneficial your choice is for all involved.
More than anything, make sure you stay strong and defend your right to your decision. You are the only one who knows what’s best for your baby, and you are making the right decision.
If your friends and family have positive reactions to your adoption, you might want to involve them in your adoption as much as you’re comfortable with. This will be a great way for them to further understand your adoption decision and be a great source of support as you move forward with any potential challenges in your adoption. For example, you may want certain friends or family members to help you choose an adoptive family or be there at the hospital while you give birth. Make sure your friends and family understand how important their support is to you during and after your adoption process.
Choosing to tell your family and friends about your adoption can be a big step to take, which is why our adoption counselors will work with you to ensure you’re prepared for what this conversation may look like. This can be a delicate conversation, so we encourage you to speak with us before approaching your family and friends — to make sure you receive the most positive reactions possible. Remember, more than anything else, your friends and family want you to be happy, safe and successful, and when you explain that adoption will help you and your unborn baby to do that, they will usually support your decision.
To learn more about how to talk to your family and friends about your adoption plan, please contact A Child’s Hope today.
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