What to Do When Your Baby’s Father Doesn’t Support Your Adoption Decision

The expectant mothers who contact A Child’s Hope come from many different backgrounds, have many different reasons for choosing adoption, and have many different types of relationships with their babies’ birth fathers.

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering adoption, you may be concerned about the impact your baby’s father could have on your adoption plans. Here, learn about your adoption options based on the relationship you have with the birth father.

Can I Place My Child for Adoption without the Father’s Consent?

There are a number of reasons why you may be wondering if you can place your child for adoption without father consent:

  • He is unknown or can’t be located
  • He doesn’t agree with your adoption decision
  • He is in and out of your life sporadically
  • He is trying to force you to get an abortion
  • He is incarcerated
  • He is abusive

If any of the above situations sound familiar, our adoption counselors may be able to help you proceed with your adoption plans.

We can meet with your baby’s father to explain the adoption process, help him understand your adoption decision and provide the support he needs to get on board with your adoption plan. If he is still opposed to the adoption after meeting with your counselor, we can provide legal assistance to identify your options for moving forward without his consent.

While the birth father’s consent may not be required to complete your adoption, he is entitled to notice of the adoption under North Carolina law. In adoption when the father is unknown, our agency may need to work with an investigator or provide notice by publication in a newspaper to help identify the birth father.

It is important that you give your adoption counselor as much information as possible about the birth father so we can locate him, give him notice of the adoption, and help you complete the adoption process safely and legally. If the biological father knows that you are pregnant and has not supported you during the pregnancy, his consent may not be necessary.

How to Involve a Supportive Birth Father in the Adoption Process

While there are many reasons why it may be difficult to include the birth father in the adoption process, you can also contact A Child’s Hope if you are married or have a positive relationship with your baby’s father. It is not uncommon for couples to choose adoption together, and having the support of your baby’s father can simplify the adoption process.

If your baby’s father supports your adoption plan, he can be as involved in the adoption process as you want him to be:

  • He can help you make important decisions about the type of adoption situations you are interested in
  • He can review adoptive family profiles with you
  • He can come to your match meeting and engage in pre-placement contact with the adoptive parents
  • He can accompany you to the hospital and be involved in your birth plan
  • He can keep in touch with the adoptive family through open or semi-open adoption
  • And more

In other scenarios, the birth father is supportive but does not want to be involved in the adoption plan. In these cases, the father only needs to meet with your adoption counselor once to give his legal consent to the adoption. In North Carolina, he can give his consent any time before or after the baby is born. There is a seven-day period in which he can revoke his consent. We offer DNA testing free to determine who the birth father is.

Birth Father Relinquishment PapersThe Rights of Birth Fathers in North Carolina

After you have placed your baby for adoption, we will provide legal notice to the birth father. We will also attempt to contact the birth father before the delivery, if possible, to ensure that he knows of the adoption plan and the pregnancy.

If he does not respond within a certain timeframe of receiving the legal notice, the court will enter an order that his consent is not required for the adoption. If he does respond to notice, the court may still determine that his consent is not required for a number of other reasons; however, this varies on a case-by-case basis.

While it is sometimes possible to proceed with adoption without consent, this depends primarily on your personal circumstances. Speak with your adoption counselor to learn more about birth father rights in North Carolina, and always be honest about your situation so we can help you make the best plan for yourself and your baby.

How to Explain Your Adoption Decision to Your Baby’s Father

In North Carolina, your baby’s biological father is entitled to notice of your adoption plans. When you contact A Child’s Hope, your adoption counselor will ask you some questions about your baby’s birth father and discuss what you have told him about your pregnancy and your plans to place for adoption.

Many women are nervous to tell their baby’s father about their adoption decision, but you will likely need to make diligent efforts to contact him. Here are some suggestions for talking to your baby’s birth father about your adoption plan:

  • Plan what you want to say. It may be helpful to write down your thoughts or practice the conversation ahead of time. Your adoption counselor can help prepare you for what to expect and give you suggestions before you contact him.
  • Remain calm. During the conversation, calmly explain why you think adoption is the best choice for you, your baby, and your baby’s father. Let him know that you have spent a lot of time thinking through your adoption plan, you feel confident in your adoption decision, and you would appreciate his support throughout the adoption process.
  • Give him an opportunity to respond and listen to his thoughts. Let him know that you understand and appreciate his perspective.
  • Contact your counselor. If your baby’s father is unwilling to listen to you, suggest that he speak to your adoption counselor together with you or separately. Often, unsupportive birth fathers simply need more information about adoption to feel more comfortable with the process.

Whether your baby’s father is supportive, unsupportive, uninvolved or unknown, your adoption counselor can provide the information and guidance you need to understand your options for moving forward with the adoption process.

To learn more about the role and rights of your baby’s father in the adoption process, contact A Child’s Hope for free, no-obligation adoption information.

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