What if You’re Being Pressured to Put a Baby Up for Adoption?

When you find out you’re unexpectedly pregnant, you may not be sure of what to do right away. When you’re being pressured to put a baby up for adoption, raise a baby or get an abortion by people you know, that decision can be even more difficult to make.

If you’re being told what to do and wondering, “Do I have to put my baby up for adoption/parent them/choose an abortion?’ you need to know that this choice is entirely up to you. It can be difficult to go against the wishes of friends and family members, but you are the only one who can decide what’s right for you and your baby. No one else fully understands your situation like you do, which is why you’ll need to do as much research about all of your unplanned pregnancy options before deciding what’s right for you.

If you’re being pressured to put a baby up for adoption or to choose parenting or abortion, our counselors at A Child’s Hope can help. We can answer whatever questions you have about any of your options absolutely for free (and with no obligation to choose adoption) if you call our Pregnancy Hotline: (919) 971-4396, or Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396, or email ach@achildshope.com.

We can also give you advice on how to talk to your family and friends about your unplanned pregnancy and whatever choice you make. If you’re feeling pressured to put a baby up for adoption or to choose parenting or abortion, here are some steps you can take to make sure that the decision you make is the best one for you:

1. Be Clear in Asking for Support, Not Opinions

When you tell people about your unplanned pregnancy, they may think that giving you advice is the best support they can offer — but it instead may make you feel pressured into a certain decision. Make sure that your family and friends understand you need emotional support, not support in making a decision. Remember, there is a big difference between a respectful family member providing emotional support and one that tries to sway your decision one way or another, even when you know it’s not right for you and your baby.

If you feel like someone is pressuring you, be strong and stand up for your right to choose what’s best for you. Remind them that, even though you appreciate their concern, this is a decision that only you can make. If the pressure you’re under begins to feel like a dangerous situation where that person will react abusively should you go against their wishes, contact us right away or call the Compass Center for Women and Families at 919-929-7122.

2. Be Aware of Your Birth Mother Rights

As a pregnant woman, you are the only one who can place a child for adoption, choose to parent them or get an abortion. Even if you’re being pressured to put a baby up for adoption or get an abortion, these processes cannot legally take place without your express consent.

When it comes to adoption, you have even more rights. You have the right to choose the perfect family for your baby, the right to determine what kind of relationship you want with them, the right to decide what your hospital stay will look like and more. You are in charge of your adoption process at all times and, if you ever feel uncomfortable or pressured into a certain decision, you can always make the changes you want. You never have to consent to an adoption before you’re ready; the North Carolina consent laws make sure you are informed of your rights and require you to voluntarily place your child for adoption. If you felt you were lied to, pressured or coerced into your adoption consent, a lawyer will work with you to help you understand your legal rights.

3. Work with a Professional

Navigating an unplanned pregnancy by yourself can be scary, especially if you’re not sure what to do and are feeling pressured into one decision or another. That’s why it’s so important to reach out to a qualified professional for more information about all of your unplanned pregnancy options. Many professionals, like A Child’s Hope, will provide you free advice with no obligation to choose adoption unless you’re absolutely sure it’s the right decision for you.

While friends and family members may offer up well-meaning advice for you, some of it may be inaccurate and intended to sway you one way or another. A Child’s Hope, however, will only provide you factual, objective information about all of your choices. We understand that adoption is not the perfect solution for everyone, which is why we’ll help you determine what option is right for you, no matter what you end up choosing.

While it is very important to have a support system for your adoption, it’s also important to recognize when support from your friends and family is not helpful to your decision-making process. Remember, you are the only one who can decide what unplanned pregnancy option is right for you — but A Child’s Hope can help you in that decision-making process. To learn more, please call our Pregnancy Hotline: (919) 971-4396, or Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396, or email ach@achildshope.com.

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Kelly Dunbar

Adoption Counselor/Homestudy Supervisor - Triangle

As an adoptive parent I truly have a passion for adoption. There is no greater joy than helping to create a family! I love this job and I love working with adoptive parents as well as the birth parents. When it all comes together it is an awesome experience! Kelly is a graduate of NC State University where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of South Carolina. Kelly has been working with children, families, in the home and in communities for 18 years. Kelly has been working with birth mothers and adoptive parents for the last 5 years.  Besides working, she has a great husband and three fabulous children, Landon, Parker and Ansley. Kelly and her husband adopted their daughter with the help of ACH and feels as though her personal experience helps her relate to other adoptive families.

Sloane Mosley

Greensboro

Sloane completed her undergraduate degree in Human Services Counseling at Old Dominion University and holds a Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Southern California. Sloane has been working with children, birth mothers and adopting families for more than 10 years. She loves advocating for children and helping women during pregnancy.

Lakisha Brown

Winston-Salem

Lakisha completed her undergraduate degree in Sociology with a concentration in Social Welfare at Winston-Salem State University. She received her Master of Social Work from Syracuse University. Lakisha has worked with children, individuals and families for more than 12 years. Her experience includes working with at-risk youth, homeless children and families, child mental health, as well as school social work and case management. She is also a long-time basketball fan, a former player and coach. She played at Winston-Salem State University and coached women’s basketball at Elon University and Syracuse University. Lakisha and her husband reside in Alamance County, with their young son.

Jessica Otolinsky

Asheville

Jess completed her undergraduate degree in Communication at the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown and earned her Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Messiah College. Her professional experience includes case management, education, women’s behavioral health including a focus on pregnant mothers, and working with kinship and domestic adoptive families who have experienced trauma. Jess is a native of central Pennsylvania though loves living in Asheville with her significant other. When she is not working, she is likely caring for her puppy and dog, painting, practicing yoga, camping or planning her next road trip to see family and friends or have an adventure in some new place!

Sylvia Senbel

Charlotte

Sylvia is a graduate of Western Carolina University, where she earned a Bachelor of Social Work. She also received her Master of Social Work from the University of North Carolina. Sylvia has been working with children and families for more than 19 years. She enjoys gardening, reading, hiking, and spending time with her husband and three boys. She also loves animals, especially her dog Jazzy.

Nicole Barnes

Jacksonville

Nicole completed her undergraduate studies at Chowan University in Psychology with a concentration in Alcohol & Drug Studies and a minor in Criminal Justice. Nicole has provided services to adolescents, teens, college students, the Department of Corrections, the Department of Parole and Probation, the NC Division of Motor Vehicles, the Division of Transportation, and the Department of Defense. She is a Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor and has been working in the mental health field for 15 years.

Suzanne Mangum

Triangle

Suzanne was the primary pregnancy care manager stationed at Duke high-risk perinatal clinic for 20 years. She has a BS in Social Work at UNC Pembroke and is a licensed School Social Worker. She recently worked as a case manager in a substance abuse disorder residential program for women with young children. Suzanne is a “Durhamite” but has resided in Wake County since graduating. Her biggest accomplishment has been happily raising her 14 yo daughter and 3 poodle mixed pups.