Adoption

Looking for a Baby? We Found Three.

Jesse and Brittany’s Adoption Story

Jesse and Brittany started 2021 off with triplets and grandparents (Brittany’s mom and stepfather) moving in.

The young married couple has served as foster parents in Montgomery County, N.C. They watched many foster children come in and out of their home from all over the state. While they loved being fostering, they desperately wanted to be parents permanently.

“We always talked about the idea of adoption and became home study approved, licensed foster parents for up to three children. We had no idea when we began this journey what we were getting ourselves into, the connections we would make, and how our lives would forever change,” Brittany said.

After three foster placements, a total of 7 children, the house was quiet again. In Brittany’s words, “We don’t wake up for midnight bottles, the grass is mowed on time and I have time to ride my horses that I didn’t before. It freaking SUCKS.”

More than just missing the activity, noise and laughter, Jesse and Brittany missed loving and caring for young people. They understood the goal in fostering is NOT adoption; it is ALWAYS to provide a safe home for kids until they can reunify with their birth families. “But you can’t help but fall in love and secretly pray that they never ever have to go away,” Brittany added.

The couple reflected on how Jesse’s older brother and his wife made a social media post, it went viral, eventually helping them meet a birth mom who would give them the most loving and selfless gift anyone could ever give, their daughter. They decided to give it a try themselves.

They joined Facebook groups where waiting parents and expectant mothers can join to match up. The problem Brittany found was when an expectant mamma posted, within minutes, there were overwhelming responses by the hundreds from couples across the entire United States.

What stood out to her was that everyone is posting the best versions of themselves. “They all seemed so perfect and while I understand they were trying to show potential birth mom’s their suitability (like a job interview almost) to raise a child placed in their care, I imagine to a mom who is scared and stressed and unsure of herself that these perfect profiles could come across as unrelatable or even make her feel worse about her own position,” Brittany shared. “How can you compete with exotic travel and mansions and all the other things these amazing couples were offering? How can a bio mom narrow down her choices and pick just one family?”

So, Jesse and Brittany tried something different. They began making posts that gave a look into their day-to-day “crazy lives.”Brittany adds, “we wanted to show birth mammas that we don’t totally have everything figured out but that that is okay.”

They posted things like, “We’re stinky farmers most of the time, raising dairy goats, cattle and horses. We pile laundry in the corner sometimes because we are overworked and hate folding, and we clean in a hurry before the cleaning lady arrives, so she doesn’t think we are total pigs. We try to be good people and do the right thing, but we often make mistakes and less than perfect decisions. Jesse and I are trying to figure out this scary world of adulting just like everyone else. Our home is chaotic but overflowing with love and this child will always be our priority in life.”

They would also post about experiences they had as foster parents, such as, “our second placement, was THREE little girls, ages 4, 2 and 9 months (our first placement was two girls, one 10 and the other 9 months). ‘Oh, what’s one more kid’ Right? -WRONG-. We did NOT have two kids before. We had one kid and one tiny adult who could bathe and dress herself. These three were a totally different ballgame. This was Jumanji Level 2. They were fast and they were friendly to EVERYONE including strangers at the store…We needed LEASHES…But they were amazing. Three car seats to buckle in every morning, three girls to dress and do ponytails and put bows on, three dinner plates and three simultaneous snuggles watching movies together.”

The result of their self-marketing efforts was a friend of a friend of a friend putting them in contact with their birth mom, a 35-year-old woman who was expecting triplets. The babies were born prematurely, at 29 weeks, on December 17, two boys and a girl weighing 2 pounds 5 oz, 1 pound 4 oz, and 1 pound 2 oz.

Brittany had been texting back and forth with the birth mother and who finally invited Jesse and Brittany to visit her. On the way, Brittany and Jesse stopped and got the mom a pizza and a chocolate milkshake because they knew she had been craving them after luke-warm hospital food. They opened themselves up to the birth mother sharing their home life and how they felt they could give the triplets a wonderful life.

Relieved, the birth mother decided she wanted Jesse and Brittany to raise her babies. On December 28, the birth mother met with adoption counselor Kelly Dunbar of A Child’s Hope to sign documents for all three babies to be placed with Jesse and Brittany. The birth father signed the next week separately.

At the time of this blog posting, the three angels, Henry, Holly, and Hayden, are spending several weeks in the hospital until they can bottle feed and maintain their temperatures and other vitals without assistance. In addition, Brittany’s parents are moving into the guesthouse to help settle in and care for the babies.

Premature birth comes with added hospital costs as well as the risk that one or more children may have special needs. There are also the added expenses associated with traveling two-hours each way to and from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, expanding their small arsenal of baby supplies, as well as the costs of adopting and raising three babies. Jesse and Brittany were hoping for one child but had no hesitation when these three needed parents, and they are ready for the challenge.

To help with medical expenses and the added cost of adoption, Jesse and Brittany have set up a Go Fund Me Page – https://www.gofundme.com/manage/triple-blessings-holy-cow-we-adopted-3-babies.

Also, part of the agency adoption process included making sure they qualify, if they need to apply, for adoption assistance, Medicaid coverage for the triplets and up to $2,400 per child per year for therapy and other services that may be required to address special needs.

2020 a Year to Remember

With November celebrating National Adoption Month, I cannot help but think back to the changes I have witnessed in the 20 years and 399 babies placed with loving families. Our next placement will be a milestone of 400 adoptions.  Children are flourishing, several have graduated high school and are going on to college. Some are excelling in sports, others in music and art, and still others in academic pursuits.

Progress not Perfection in Adoption

The most significant change over the years has been how the stigma of adoption has diminished. While some stigma still exists, great strides have been made with adoption being more openly discussed in a positive manner within family and community settings.

As a result, more single parents and same-sex couples can adopt. It is also easier to place children of color. When the agency first started, I would spend days looking for families to adopt African American and multi-racial children. Today, Caucasian families are more willing to adopt and welcome a child of a different race. In addition, more families of color and interracial couples are interested in adopting.

Another change relates to privacy issues. In the early years, closed or semi-open adoptions were the norm. Now, almost all of our adoptions are “open” with birth parents and the adopting families staying connected after placement. Some of these go beyond information exchange or planned updates to include scheduled visits by the birth parents with the child and adoptive family.

COVID and Adoption

While this milestone year has been one of great joy and success, it has also come with some challenges. COVID has impacted us all and will continue to affect adoption into 2021. It has not stopped the need for adoption. However, the Coronavirus has changed some of the events and circumstances that lead to birth parents choosing adoption as the best life for their child. It has also changed the process of adoption.

In March 2020, hospitals began restricting access to the delivery room and the baby. For four months, we struggled to get into hospitals and obtain signatures on documents. In the early days of safety protocols, we had three adoptive fathers who did not see their newborn until the baby was discharged from the hospital into the parking lot. Today, many hospitals still restrict visitation with the birth mother and baby to only one of the adoptive parents.

We have also had to change almost every step of our adoption process, which is heavily dependent on people meeting and making a connection with one another. We have become creative using video calls, public parks, and parking lots. While we can hold some meetings in the office today, we are conscious to follow a strict routine of wiping down surfaces, limiting the number of people, providing hand sanitizer, wearing masks or rubber gloves, as well as spreading out in the conference room.

Despite the struggles of 2020, I am venturing into the new year with hope and gratitude. The world is becoming more embracing and supportive of adoption. There is greater diversity in the types of families able to adopt. Birth parents are finding comfort in the ability to stay connected with the child as they grow. And, the children are becoming remarkable human beings. 

About Author E. Parker Herring:
Parker Herring has a deep respect and understanding of family law and the adoption process, through which she adopted two of her children. She is the founder and director of A Child’s Hope, a North Carolina licensed adoption agency located in Raleigh that focuses on helping birth mothers and families looking to adopt and answer questions about adoption. A Child’s Hope has placed nearly 400 children since 2000 and is the only North Carolina domestic adoption agency directed by an attorney. Herring is a Board-Certified Family Law Specialist who has practiced for 35 years in the Raleigh area. She is a member of the N.C. Bar Association, Wake County Bar Association, and N.C. Collaborative Lawyers.

Preparing for the Holidays When Pregnant

The holidays are full of emotions, even more so when experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. Friends and family that you may not have seen in a while may have questions or well-meaning advice. Preparing yourself ahead of time can help relieve some of the stress during these encounters.

Three tips to help you survive the holidays:

  1. Role-play with your adoption counselor some of the scenarios you might encounter.
  2. Spend as much time as possible with supportive friends and family.
  3. If you are matched with a family, connect with them and talk about the beautiful life planned for your baby.

Remember you are in control. You do not need to tell anyone anything you do not want to, and you can excuse yourself from conversations if you are feeling uncomfortable. 

New Website – Just for Birth Mothers

This month we launched a new website just for pregnant women.

It provides clear easy to understand answers to many of the questions potential birth mothers may have like:

  • Can I get money for food, housing, utilities and clothing?
  • Is no-cost medical care available?
  • Will I have a dedicated counselor that is local and be by my side during the pregnancy?
  • Is all information I share confidential?
  • Can I stay connected to my child as they grow up?

We gave it its own URL – PregnancyOptionsNC.com

We even offer live chat so expecting mothers can connect with a counselor right away. 

Adoption is Always an Option When Times Are Hard

These children were all adopted after they were born.

Although adoption after birth is not the most common, some birth parents approach us after they have tried parenting and are struggling. A Child’s Hope has placed children who are a few months old, toddlers, preschoolers and even children as old as ten.

What we commonly hear in these cases is birth parents having issues making ends meet. Their bills are past due; they may even be facing eviction. Some parents have shared that the long hours they work to pay for daycare leave them little or no time with their child.

Rebecca & Tom’s Story

“Living homeless wasn’t what we wanted for our daughter. We wanted her to have a bed, enough to eat and regularly go to plreschool. It was a hard decision for us. But we shudder to think what would have happened if we didn’t place our daughter for adoption.” – Rebecca & Tom, birth parents

At the time, this couple was jobless, homeless and had no transportation. Their little girl has done extremely well through adoption. The adopting parents and birth parents worked together to help her transition.

Each family has a different reason for choosing adoption. Still, each situation has resulted in a child that has his/her emotional and physical needs met and is living a life that the birth parents wanted for their child. And each adoption has been open so that the birth parents can check-in at any time and see how their child is doing. 

Parents of non-newborns have the same rights as all birth parents:

  • The right to choose the adoptive parents, meet with them and be sure the family is the right fit for how you want your child to be cared for and raised.
  • Not signing until you are ready, and in NC, there is a seven-day waiting period after signing to be sure this is the right choice for you and your child.
  • Deciding how much contact you want with your child as they grow and staying in touch by email, texting, social media, or visits

Your child is a precious gift. There are times and situations when sharing that gift through adoption can be a blessing for you, your child, and another family.

Adoption is always an option whether you have just given birth, or the baby is weeks, months, or even years old.

To learn more and speak with a NO JUDGEMENT, NO PRESSURE counselor about your situation and what options are available to you, call 1-877-890-4673.

Remembering Adoption #1

The first child adopted through A Child’s Hope in March of 2000 is Alexis. Her sisters, Savannah and Meghan, are also adopted through A Child’s Hope. The family continues to provide annual updates for each birth mother. 

These girls are typical sisters – enjoying each other one moment and bickering a bit the next. They’ve mastered sharing a bathroom, which speaks volumes!

Alexis is now 20 and starting her junior year of college studying social work. She loves helping others and Hurricanes hockey.

Savannah is 13 and starting 9th grade. She loves all animals, probably more than people. She is a skilled equestrian who also enjoys gardening and cooking. 

Meghan is 17 and starting her senior year. She is a 2nd-degree black belt in karate, loves reading, anime and Star Trek.

Alyssa Shares Why Adoption Was Right for Baby Lola

(from left to right) Lola with her birth father; Lola’s adoptive parents Mike & Jennifer; Alyssa with 1st daughter Lexi 

Alyssa was 22 when she found out she was pregnant with her second child. She was already caring for her first daughter Lexi. “My first daughter was a toddler still and I was neither emotionally nor financially ready to care for a second child,” Alyssa shares. Like every mother, she was worried. “Both of them deserved the best love and care available to them, whether or not it was by me.”

Now with a new bundle of joy on the way, Alyssa needed to take a hard look at the future.

While pregnant, she contacted A Child’s Hope and met with an adoption counselor to discuss placing her unborn child, Lola, for adoption. “I decided that an adoption plan was best for my family because it provides the true love and attention both daughters deserve.” 

When asked if she struggled with the decision, “the hardest part of the process was the week after leaving the hospital. I wrestled with whether I might be capable of taking care of both Lola and Lexi. It was good to know that I had a few days after Lola’s birth to change my mind. However, I stuck with my original decision.”

Alyssa goes on to say, “I have never felt I made a mistake in choosing adoption. I never doubt that Lola is loved and cherished to the fullest and that has strengthened my conviction that I made the right choice.”

Alyssa was 22 when she found out she was pregnant with her second child. She was already caring for her first daughter Lexi. “My first daughter was a toddler still and I was neither emotionally nor financially ready to care for a second child,” Alyssa shares. Like every mother, she was worried. “Both of them deserved the best love and care available to them, whether or not it was by me.”

Now with a new bundle of joy on the way, Alyssa needed to take a hard look at the future.

While pregnant, she contacted A Child’s Hope and met with an adoption counselor to discuss placing her unborn child, Lola, for adoption. “I decided that an adoption plan was best for my family because it provides the true love and attention both daughters deserve.” 

When asked if she struggled with the decision, “the hardest part of the process was the week after leaving the hospital. I wrestled with whether I might be capable of taking care of both Lola and Lexi. It was good to know that I had a few days after Lola’s birth to change my mind. However, I stuck with my original decision.”

Alyssa goes on to say, “I have never felt I made a mistake in choosing adoption. I never doubt that Lola is loved and cherished to the fullest and that has strengthened my conviction that I made the right choice.”

Part of her adoption plan included choosing and meeting the family that would raise Lola. “In choosing a family, I was looking for financially stable parents with a large supportive family and friends base. Being a military child, I really wished I had big family get-togethers growing up.”

Ultimately, she chose Mike and Jennifer to raise Lola. Together, they decided on having an open adoption with regular updates and visits. “I have an ongoing relationship with the adoptive parents and they have always share pictures with both the birth father and me. They clearly love and adore Lola and have no qualms about sharing that with us.”

This arrangement has worked out well for Alyssa. “We all visit together every couple of months. Mike & Jennifer usually let us know when they will be in town. We meet for ice cream or lunch. It’s great for the girls to play together and for the adults to talk with one another.”

While every adoption situation is different, each is based on loving and providing the best future for the child. If you are wondering if adoption is right for your child, call our Pregnancy Hotline: (877) 890-4673 or text “Pregnant” to (919) 971-4396. An adoption counselor in your area will gladly meet with you to discuss your options. There is NO JUDGEMENT and NO PRESSURE. We all want the same thing you want, the best life for your child.

Understanding Domestic Adoption

We recently spent some time talking with MyRDC & CW22 TV host Bill LuMaye on his show Community Matters about domestic adoption.

Agency Director, E. Parker Herring shares an overview of the adoption and A Child’s Hope.

Adoptive parents Brandon & Lydia, as well as Adam & Kate share their adoption experiences.

Adoption Counselor Supervisor Kelly Dunbar discusses a little about birth mothers and open adoption.

Birth mother Stephanie shares her experience in placing her child for adoption.

Start your Adoption Journey

Birthmother Hotline: (877) 890-4673

Envia Un Texto: (919) 218-6270

Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396