Adoption

The Journey to Becoming a Parent Through Adoption!

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NewbornAs a child, I dreamed of becoming many things: a doctor, a ballerina, and a marine biologist, but, more than anything else in the world, I wanted to be a mom someday. However, as a teen, I realized that due to being born with heart defects, my dream of becoming a mom, at least biologically, may not be possible. At the time, I did not know anyone who was adopted, but, starting in college, I began to hear more and more about adoption and met both children and adults who were adopted. When I got married just after graduating, two family members and my best friend offered to be surrogates for my husband and me when we were ready to start a family, but by that time I knew that someday I was meant to become a mom through adoption!

My husband and I adopted our first child, Bella, seven and-a-half years ago through A Child’s Hope. Though the whole process took less than 6 months, it was not without its ups and downs. Just before we matched with Bella’s birth mother, we were matched with another birth mother whom we met but who ultimately chose to parent. It was hard to get past the pain of this revocation, but about a month later we became parents to our beautiful Bella, who does not look like us due to her Honduran heritage, but whose personality is a perfect combination of my husband’s and my own.

Two and-a-half years later, we adopted our son, Carter, again through A Child’s Hope. This time we knew we wanted a Hispanic child so that Bella could have a sibling that shared her wonderful heritage that we had learned so much about during the first few years of her life. Carter was born about 6 weeks early, less than a week after we matched with his birth mother. He had some health issues the few first years of his life but is now an always on the go, a super-ready for Kindergarten 5-year-old.

While Bella and Carter truly made my dream of becoming a mother come true, being one of four children, I felt that I had room for more children in my heart and we had more room in our house. Bella, while having a great bond with her brother, wished all the time for “a baby sister named Maia.” So when Carter turned 3, we decided to start the adoption process again, this time specifically with the goal of adopting a little girl. We decided to sign with an adoption referral service this time to find a birth mother in a different state with a shorter revocation period than NC and ended up matching with a birth mother in NV. Like her brother, Carter, Maia Jane could not wait to join our family and ended up being born at Thanksgiving instead of around Christmas when her birth mother was scheduled to have a C-section. We ended up spending about 2 weeks in NV with my mom, Bella, and Carter, the first week of which Maia was in the NICU. Since we had gotten to know everyone at A Child’s Hope so well, we had Bobby Mills finalize our adoption of Maia in NC.

Not a day goes by that I do not look at my kids and think how lucky I am to be their mother but also how it all really seems meant to be! There is no doubt that adoption is a roller coaster, and I am not a big fan of roller coasters, but, as I have been told about childbirth, once your child is in your arms, the joy you experience erases from your mind any pain you experienced.

Thank you to Lyla and her family for sharing their story with us!

Do you have a story you’d like to tell?  Email us at blog.ach@foryourlife.com.  Visit us at www.AChildsHope.com, or call our Birth Mother Hotline at 1-877-890-HOPE (4976) so one of our adoption counselors can answer your questions confidentially.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

Adoption vs Parenting: Making The Best Choice

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PregnantIt’s one of the most difficult decisions a woman with an unexpected pregnancy can face: whether to keep the baby or to place the child for adoption. Most women in this situation have already decided to carry the baby to term, and are trying to figure out what the best option is once the baby is born.

And, as much as it is a deeply emotional decision, it should also be a pragmatic one, one that considers both the short and long-term effects. Here are some important aspects to consider.

  1. Are you financially able to raise a child? Babies and children are expensive. It costs an average of $245,000 to take care of a child up to age 18, not including college tuition. Some birth parents, recognizing that they are unable to financially provide for the baby, find that adoption ultimately provides the baby with more lifelong opportunities.
  1. Do you have a realistic action plan for either decision–keeping or placing your child? If you plan to keep the baby, have you determined where you’ll live and what you’ll do for childcare? Will you have to quit school or work, or rely on someone for financial support? Do you have the support of family and friends? What changes will you need to make to your lifestyle to accommodate a baby, and are you prepared for those adjustments?If you are considering placing your child for adoption, have you looked at the different types of arrangements in your state, i.e. open, closed, to see which one you are most comfortable with? Have you talked with an adoption lawyer to find out what your options are, including how much say you have in the adoption process?
  1. Do you have any automatic emotional reactions that make one option seem impossible? Some birth parents feel the idea of “giving up” a baby makes them seem unloving. However, many adoptive parents will vouch that placing a child with a nurturing family is one of the most loving things a person can do. The stigma associated with unplanned pregnancy, adoption and single parenting is diminishing, which gives you the flexibility to make the best decision for you and the child; not based on society’s expectations.
  1. How will either decision affect you, even years from now? This is both an emotional and a pragmatic question. Logistically, keeping a baby may mean the end—or at least the delay of your education, or moving back home with your parents while you raise your child. Will you resent these sacrifices? On the other hand, what will it mean for you if your place the baby with a family—will you be satisfied with the amount of contact you have, based on your agreement? Will your child be happy with their adoptive family? Will you tell any current or future children about their adopted sibling? How will you feel if they want to meet, or don’t want to? Will the child want to meet you—or not, and how do you feel about that?

Deciding whether to raise a child yourself or choose an adoptive family is undoubtedly tough. But the right decision—the one that provides the best future for that baby…that child…that teenager…that adult—comes not only from your gut and your heart, but most importantly, from your head.

If you would like to talk with someone to explore your options, please contact A Child’s Hope. Our compassionate counselors can provide the support you need to make the best decision. Call our 24 hour hotline at 877-890-4673, or visit our website, A Child’s Hope.

Every Mother / Child Love Story is Beautiful, but Ours is My Favorite

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ACH-blog-247 years ago, a wonderful woman who was not able to carry a pregnancy to term, had a newborn baby girl placed in her arms, and a love story unfolded that spanned 40 years.

People seem fascinated when they find out I’m adopted. It was always such an inconsequential thing to me. A detail. My mom was my mom, my dad was my dad, and I never gave it much thought.

ACH-blog3My parents made a point of openly discussing the fact that I was adopted from a very young age, so it was a very natural, non-dramatic thing for me. I was told that my biological mother was single, and loved me enough to want the very best for me, so she made sure I was placed in a home with two parents.

ACHblog5My parents went on to adopt a baby boy two years later, and then months after that, ironically became pregnant and gave birth to a second baby boy. So I grew up with two siblings, in a sweet little house in North Florida. My father was a machinist, and my mom kept other children at home, and sewed and baked for extra money, so that she could stay home with us. We didn’t have much money, but it was a happy childhood.

ACHblog4Years later, my mother and I had the typical turbulent relationship common in the teenaged years. But by the time I went to college, I was calling home every other day. There was just no one on earth that reveled in the minutia of my life like my mother.

Years later, when I got married, she made my wedding dress. It was a labor of love, and she told me afterward that she alternated stitches and tears.

I went on to have four girls myself, and my mother was a doting grandmother. She taught my girls to sew, and enjoyed making the same bunny cakes for them each Easter that she’d made for us growing up.

ACH-blogSeven years ago, I got the call that my mother was rushed to the hospital with a life threatening complication of diabetes. I rushed to her side, and rarely left the hospital for the three weeks that she was ill. We lost her in December that year, three weeks before Christmas. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced and I miss her every day. But I am so enormously grateful for all the years that I had with her. She was my best friend, my greatest cheerleader, and a wonderful role model to me as I mother my own children.

ACH-blog-1I often reflect on the tremendous amount of time, energy and sacrifice children require, and the fact that a woman who did not have to, spent four decades loving me with everything in her. Contrary to the idea that adopted children may feel abandoned, I felt so loved, so treasured, and so wanted. I give thanks every day for my biological mother who cared enough to want the best for me, and made the supreme sacrifice of making sure that I grew up in a loving family. She made the right decision, and I’m so grateful for her wisdom.

 

 

“It’s About Family”

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MaisieWhy is it so expensive to adopt? I am asked this question at least once a week by a couple sitting front of me in an adoption consultation.

There is usually frustration expressed with both questions; they want a child and costs stand in the way.  For some reason it seems acceptable to pay for fertility, but not for adoption.

What they don’t know is that I was in their shoes, twice. 17 years ago in 1998, my domestic agency  adoption cost $35,000. My husband and I got an equity line and we took three years to pay it off. We traveled across the country and spent ten days in New Mexico to get our son.

Our first adoption was expensive and stressful and we were devastated by the costs. Three years later in 2001 we adopted again, this time in a domestic  independent adoption that cost $14,000.  We traveled to Tennessee and stayed there ten days to get our other son.

Here is the reality:  adoptions cost a lot because they are an intensive and involved service.  An agency pays social workers and  counselors and has  tremendous advertising and outreach costs. Then there are operational costs like liability insurance, telephone, postage, etc.  Adoption agencies are service agencies with a tremendous amount of risk.

Here are the facts on costs of adoption: An international adoption will cost you from $30,000 to $40,000.

An independent domestic infant adoption (where you find the child on your own) will cost you $20,000 to $40,000.

An agency domestic adoption will cost you $20,000 to $45,000. A foster adoption will cost you zero to $3,000 and depending on the state you may receive $2,000 in reimbursement by the child’s state. Adoptions of US children with special needs are  eligible for the full federal tax credit, regardless of actual expenses. Good news is that there is a $13,190 Federal adoption tax credit which helps. Note that there are income limitations to the tax credit.

Cost, pricey. Is it worth it?  Yes, if you want a child in your life its  worth it. It’s worth borrowing, begging and working yourself to the bone to find that child, hold him or her, and know that they are yours.

Thank you to Director, E. Parker Herring of A Child’s Hope of North Carolina for sharing her story. Do you have a story you’d like to tell?  Email us at ach@achildshope.com.

Visit us at www.achildshope.com, or call our Birth Mother Hotline at 1-877-890-HOPE (4976) so one of our adoption counselors can answer your questions confidentially.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

Make A Difference!

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Make a Difference!

A Child’s Hope is adding an Eastern NC adoption counselor. Over the years the Agency has always relied on contract social workers to help us in counseling women with unplanned pregnancies and adoptive parents. We have six contract social workers spread throughout the State, and we are in need of an MSW who can help us in the Eastern part of the Sate.

It’s a demanding job – on call, counseling in the homes of adoptive parents and in the homes of birth mothers, and also visits to the hospital. We have found that  MSW’s who have flexibility in their work schedules and home life have the ability to travel on short notice and do the best job.

The rewards are big…. you help create families through adoption! If you are an MSW and would like to learn more about this job opportunity, email ach@achildshope.com.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

Adoption: How Much Does It Cost?

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Overwhelmed by the costs of adoption? It may not be quite what you think…

Individuals and couples wishing to have a child but unable to do so naturally typically have two options: adoption or assisted reproduction (ART).  Both options are relatively comparable in cost, with the average price of a domestic adoption in the United States ranging from $20,000-$45,000 and a donor egg pregnancy via in vitro fertilization priced between $20,000-$35,000.  If, however, you require a donor embryo, the cost could be $7,500-$20,000, and gestational carrier/surrogacy can drive the cost from $50,000 to over $100,000.

Assuming, however, you are looking simply at the comparable donor egg option, one important thing to keep in mind is that adoption, unlike assisted reproduction, offers a federal tax credit and many employers offer credits as well.  For a couple with combined annual incomes of less than $180,000, the federal adoption credit could be up to $13,190.  Employer tax credits typically range from $2,000-$5,000 and are offered by companies like SAS, CISCO, IBM, the United States Department of Defense and many others.

I encourage clients to determine first how much these credits will offset their cost of adoption to determine their ‘bottom-line’ cost.

So now that you have done your cost analysis, how do you afford your ‘bottom-line’?  Most adoptive families are middle-income and are able to work out the costs over time.  Options for financing an adoption include:

  • Borrowing against home equity, allowing a deduction while waiting for the tax credit;
  • Borrowing against a retirement or 401K plan
  • Grants and adoption assistance programs through public and private organizations;
  • Asking family members and relatives to assist with cost

Where there’s a will, there’s a way!

E. Parker Herring is a Board Certified Family Law Specialist and managing partner of Herring & Mills, PLLC, a Raleigh family law firm.  Herring is also director of A Child’s Hope, a North Carolina licensed adoption agency.

Do you have a story you’d like to tell?  Email us at blog.ach@foryourlife.com.  Visit us at www.AChildsHope.com, or call our Birth Mother Hotline at 1-877-890-HOPE (4976) so one of our adoption counselors can answer your questions confidentially.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

Adopting and Raising a Child with Special Needs Can Be a Blessing

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Adopting and raising a child with special needs is not for everyone….

There are many adoptive parents who have taken on the loving and demanding job of adopting and raising a child with special needs. These parents in my mind are as special as the children they adopt.

What I hear frequently from adoptive parents who are offered the opportunity to adopt a child  born with special needs is that  if they had given birth to the child they wouldn’t hesitate.  They think of the child as their own almost from the start and they become fierce advocates.  For many its a lifetime commitment.

One of my favorite memories as an adoption agency director is seeing a three year old named Matthew laughing at a local mall as he tried to  run away from his parents, Jack and Peggy.  His parents smiled broadly, they were so proud.  He was a beautiful toddler , with black curls and a smile that was  big and open.  And he didn’t walk, he ran…

“And this is the child that we were told might never walk, “ Peggy said “And look at him now. We have to run to keep up.“  The family added another son by adoption, Michael,  # of years later. The brothers are best friends!

Michael  was born with a life threatening physical condition called esophageal fistula. He was airlifted shortly after birth to a major medical center. Jack and Peggy were with him while he had 7  operations, first to connect his esophagus to his stomach and then later to remove a finger that didn’t function and construct a thumb from his index finger.  He still has challenges swallowing and has had four procedures in the last two years.

Jack and Peggy’s  time and heart commitment has been enormous . Michael is now thirteen years old and doing well.  “You have to take on what you feel you can handle,” Peggy said recently. “We feel blessed. “

Thank you to Director Parker Herring and parents Jack and Peggy for allowing us to share their story.

Do you have a story you’d like to tell?  Email us at blog.ach@foryourlife.com.  Visit us at www.AChildsHope.com, or call our Birth Mother Hotline at 1-877-890-HOPE (4976) so one of our adoption counselors can answer your questions confidentially.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

When a Long Adoption Wait Ends with Just a Few Days Notice!

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Bill-Priscila-Baby

Bill and Priscila have been waiting for over three years to adopt a brother or sister for their son Thomas, who was placed with them five and a half years ago in the Agency’s offices.  Yesterday was the the end to their long adoption journey…

Bill and Priscila  were notified by the Agency on Tuesday and offered the opportunity to adopt a nine pound baby boy who was a last minute placement.  They got it together in two days time and came with smiles and a car seat!

Sometimes birth mothers make last minute decisions at the hospital to place their baby for adoption, and when they do, there is a lot of  hard work done by many people to make the last minute placement work. Social workers, attorneys and staff scramble to make birth mom’s situation and the baby’s transition go as smoothly as possible.

Today, this nine pound baby named Lucas was dressed for Christmas and handed over to the adoptive parents by his respite care provider. It was worth the wait his parents said. Big brother Thomas leaned down to his brother in the car seat before they left the agency and when asked what he thought about his new baby brother, Thomas grinned and  said “So far he’s been pretty good .”

A Big thank you to Bill, Priscila, Thomas and Lucas for allowing us to tell the story of their adoption journey!

Do you have a story you’d like to tell?  Email us at blog.ach@foryourlife.com.  Visit us at www.AChildsHope.com, or call if you are a birth mother, please call our Birth Mother Hotline at 1-877-890-HOPE (4976) so one of our adoption counselors can answer your questions confidentially.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

Placement Day – The Best Gift of All!!

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Hunter and Laura got the best Christmas gift that anyone could ask for at Christmas – a newborn boy placed lovingly in their arms by their birth mother!! The adoptive parents and the birthmother had agreed on a name – Hezekiah – to be called “Kiah” for short.

This was not the first time that the intended parents had seen the baby – they held their heart in their hands last Sunday when they visited him in the hospital. We took photographs then and marveled at how beautiful he was. During the seven day waiting period that North Carolina law requires, the birthmother was very emotional as one could expect and was counseled.

It was a difficult week for her, but she stayed firm in her decision to place the baby for adoption. On placement day, she lovingly held the baby again for an hour in the agency’s offices while the adoptive parents executed legal documents.

She kissed him tenderly as she held him and told him how much she loved him. He was very alert and would glace up at her while she was talking to him.

She selflessly and lovingly gave her baby and the adoptive parents the Best Gift of All!

The parts we play in helping our families create forever families through adoption is a rewarding one and we love to share their stories!!

Do you have a story you’d like to tell?  Email us at blog.ach@foryourlife.com.  Visit us at www.AChildsHope.com, or call our Birth Mother Hotline at 1-877-890-HOPE (4976) so one of our adoption counselors can answer your questions confidentially.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

 

The Best Gift of All…

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A birth mother placing a newborn into the intended adoptive parents arms for the first time  is an emotional moment any time of year. But when a newborn is placed for adoption at Christmas, emotions run high.

Last Sunday, I watched as a young  woman with an unplanned pregnancy visited in the hospital with the adoptive parents she chose as they met their baby.  She wanted them to share in the moment.  She had delivered him three days before  cuddling the baby on her chest and then watched the emotion as she handed the baby over to the new adoptive mom to be.  She said how much she loved him.

All in the hospital room tried to hold their emotions in check.  North Carolina law allows birth parents seven (7) days to revoke her consent. Even though the birth mother in this hospital room  had signed relinquishments the day before, all were mindful that despite all her best intentions that she could change her mind and the baby they were holding would not be theirs to raise.

Birth mother admitted that she was feeling very emotional, but she knew that she was giving the best gift of all to this couple who had struggled for years with infertility and had been waiting with an adoption agency.   She smiled to see how their eyes filled with tears as they held him for the very first time!

Thank you to Director Parker Herring for sharing her experience with us!

Do you have a story you’d like to tell?  Email us at blog.ach@foryourlife.com.  Visit us at www.AChildsHope.com, or call our Birth Mother Hotline at 1-877-890-HOPE (4976) so one of our adoption counselors can answer your questions confidentially.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

 

Birthmother Hotline: (877) 890-4673

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