The Benefits of Open Adoption

Adoption, Children, Family - July 7, 2015

Thirty years ago, when a woman had an unplanned pregnancy, she often was sent to a convent or a maternity home until the baby was born. Afterward, her family and friends did not discuss that she ever gave birth. With the typical closed or confidential adoption, she had no contact with the child after it was adopted. On the other side, many adoptive parents never told their children they were adopted.

But times have changed, with a welcome trend toward openness and acceptance about adoption. Now, birthmothers attend school until their due date; continue working; name their babies; and are able to spend time with their babies at the hospital. Their friends, co-workers and relatives know about the pregnancy and the adoption plan. Adoptive parents know the birth parents and may treat them as extended family. One study shows that 95% of today’s adoptions are open, at least to some degree.

However, when I sit with prospective adoptive parents to talk about adoption, there is still a learning curve about openness in adoption. Here are some details about open adoption that may help.

What are Open Adoptions?

When you agree to an open adoption, it means that you as a birth parent can have some type of contact with the adoptive parent and adopted child. That may be indirectly, through letters and photos, or more directly, through phone calls and visits. In many cases, the birth mother can help select the adoptive families and that the child grows up aware he or she is adopted. The amount of contact depends on everyone’s level of comfort—it may be in the form of an occasional letter, or it may be sharing holidays together. With open adoption, the adoptive parents retain their legal rights and responsibilities for raising the child, but the birth parent has an opportunity to be involved in the child’s life.

Birth and adoptive parents can decide on varying degrees of openness. For example, a birth mother may want to select the family, but not maintain contact later. In an open adoption, she may want to be able to have direct contact with the child and adoptive family, but in a semi-open adoption, she may prefer to communicate through a lawyer or social worker. With agreement, the amount and frequency of contact may also change over time.

Advantages of Open Adoptions

Numerous studies and stories have shown how closed adoptions affect everyone involved. The birth parents often feel a life-long sense of grief and loss, with no opportunity to see the child. Adoptive parents may have questions about the child’s background that can never be answered, since no communication with the birth parents is allowed. The adoptive children may be the ones who have the most difficulty, because they cannot access their history, have no sense of connection with their birth family and may often wonder what circumstances of their birth led to the secret of adoption.

In contrast, research reported by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute says that birth mothers in open adoptions have less worry and grief than those in closed adoptions, and are better able to adjust after the adoption. Adoptive parents also have positive experiences, and that the openness actually reduced fears of losing their child to the birth parents. Adopted teens said that open adoptions allowed them to understand why they were placed for adoption, helped increase positive feelings for the birth mother and enabled the teens to better understand who they were, in connection to their birth and adoptive families.

Could An Open Adoption Be Right For You?

The Child Welfare Information Gateway, part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, suggests asking these questions:

Do I want to have a say in who will raise my child?
Does it matter to me if I won’t know if my child is safe and healthy?
Do I want to watch my child grow up through photos, letters, phone calls or visits?
Do I want to be able to tell my child about his or her family background or other important information in the future?
Do I want my child to know, for example, if he or she looks or acts like someone else in the family?

A yes to any of these questions may mean open adoption is a good option. Remember: to be effective, an open adoption requires ongoing trust, communication and flexibility on all sides.

If you’d like to learn more about adoption—open, closed, or have other questions, please call A Child’s Hope today at 877-890-4673 or text “Pregnant” to 919-971-4396. Our experienced, compassionate counselors can provide the information you need to make the best decision for you and your child.

Creating Family Through The Miracle of Adoption!

We feel like the luckiest people in the world to have created our family through the miracle of adoption! We have two children – Neva and Marco. We chose to work with A Child’s Hope because we liked the idea of having a North Carolina adoption and we felt like they could guide us through this complex process.

Six weeks after completing our adoption homestudy and paperwork, we were matched with a birth mom! Our son Marco was born on a gorgeous fall day. I remember thinking, “today would be a good day to be born,” and then we got the call from the agency. Ten fingers, ten toes, and a healthy baby boy was waiting for us! He has been a delight.

When Marco was 18 months-old, we decided it was time to expand our family again. It was not long after completing our paperwork again that we got the call. This time, we did an independent match with a birth mom in Texas. She picked us because of Marco. She wanted a big brother for her baby! A few weeks later, Neva was born and we were on an airplane to Texas to meet our angel! We finalized Neva’s adoption with A Child’s Hope.

We send letters and pictures to Marco’s Birth mom twice a year. We have never met her, but we love her and know that she has given us the greatest gift possible. We have an open adoption with Neva’s Birth mom. We talk on the phone, visit her in Texas, and exchange letters and pictures. She is an important part of our lives. Adoption creates a bigger extended family. Our children are surrounded by love and we are certain that we were all meant to be together. Adoption has made us a family.

A Big thank you to Neva and Marco’s family for sharing their adoption stories!

Do you have a story you’d like to tell? Email us at blog.ach@foryourlife.com. Visit us at www.achildshope.com, or call our Birth Mother Hotline at 1-877-890-HOPE (4976) so one of our adoption counselors can answer your questions confidentially.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

The Journey to Becoming a Parent Through Adoption!

As a child, I dreamed of becoming many things: a doctor, a ballerina, and a marine biologist, but, more than anything else in the world, I wanted to be a mom someday. However, as a teen, I realized that due to being born with heart defects, my dream of becoming a mom, at least biologically, may not be possible. At the time, I did not know anyone who was adopted, but, starting in college, I began to hear more and more about adoption and met both children and adults who were adopted. When I got married just after graduating, two family members and my best friend offered to be surrogates for my husband and me when we were ready to start a family, but by that time I knew that someday I was meant to become a mom through adoption!

My husband and I adopted our first child, Bella, seven and-a-half years ago through A Child’s Hope. Though the whole process took less than 6 months, it was not without its ups and downs. Just before we matched with Bella’s birth mother, we were matched with another birth mother whom we met but who ultimately chose to parent. It was hard to get past the pain of this revocation, but about a month later we became parents to our beautiful Bella, who does not look like us due to her Honduran heritage, but whose personality is a perfect combination of my husband’s and my own.

Two and-a-half years later, we adopted our son, Carter, again through A Child’s Hope. This time we knew we wanted a Hispanic child so that Bella could have a sibling that shared her wonderful heritage that we had learned so much about during the first few years of her life. Carter was born about 6 weeks early, less than a week after we matched with his birth mother. He had some health issues the few first years of his life but is now an always on the go, a super-ready for Kindergarten 5-year-old.

While Bella and Carter truly made my dream of becoming a mother come true, being one of four children, I felt that I had room for more children in my heart and we had more room in our house. Bella, while having a great bond with her brother, wished all the time for “a baby sister named Maia.” So when Carter turned 3, we decided to start the adoption process again, this time specifically with the goal of adopting a little girl. We decided to sign with an adoption referral service this time to find a birth mother in a different state with a shorter revocation period than NC and ended up matching with a birth mother in NV. Like her brother, Carter, Maia Jane could not wait to join our family and ended up being born at Thanksgiving instead of around Christmas when her birth mother was scheduled to have a C-section. We ended up spending about 2 weeks in NV with my mom, Bella, and Carter, the first week of which Maia was in the NICU. Since we had gotten to know everyone at A Child’s Hope so well, we had Bobby Mills finalize our adoption of Maia in NC.

Not a day goes by that I do not look at my kids and think how lucky I am to be their mother but also how it all really seems meant to be! There is no doubt that adoption is a roller coaster, and I am not a big fan of roller coasters, but, as I have been told about childbirth, once your child is in your arms, the joy you experience erases from your mind any pain you experienced.

Thank you to Lyla and her family for sharing their story with us!

Do you have a story you’d like to tell? Email us at blog.ach@foryourlife.com. Visit us at www.AChildsHope.com, or call our Birth Mother Hotline at 1-877-890-HOPE (4976) so one of our adoption counselors can answer your questions confidentially.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

Every Mother / Child Love Story is Beautiful, but Ours is My Favorite

Adoption, Children, Family, Parenting - May 15, 2015

47 years ago, a wonderful woman who was not able to carry a pregnancy to term, had a newborn baby girl placed in her arms, and a love story unfolded that spanned 40 years.

People seem fascinated when they find out I’m adopted. It was always such an inconsequential thing to me. A detail. My mom was my mom, my dad was my dad, and I never gave it much thought.

My parents made a point of openly discussing the fact that I was adopted from a very young age, so it was a very natural, non-dramatic thing for me. I was told that my biological mother was single, and loved me enough to want the very best for me, so she made sure I was placed in a home with two parents.

My parents went on to adopt a baby boy two years later, and then months after that, ironically became pregnant and gave birth to a second baby boy. So I grew up with two siblings, in a sweet little house in North Florida. My father was a machinist, and my mom kept other children at home, and sewed and baked for extra money, so that she could stay home with us. We didn’t have much money, but it was a happy childhood.

Years later, my mother and I had the typical turbulent relationship common in the teenaged years. But by the time I went to college, I was calling home every other day. There was just no one on earth that reveled in the minutia of my life like my mother.

Years later, when I got married, she made my wedding dress. It was a labor of love, and she told me afterward that she alternated stitches and tears.

I went on to have four girls myself, and my mother was a doting grandmother. She taught my girls to sew, and enjoyed making the same bunny cakes for them each Easter that she’d made for us growing up.

Seven years ago, I got the call that my mother was rushed to the hospital with a life threatening complication of diabetes. I rushed to her side, and rarely left the hospital for the three weeks that she was ill. We lost her in December that year, three weeks before Christmas. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced and I miss her every day. But I am so enormously grateful for all the years that I had with her. She was my best friend, my greatest cheerleader, and a wonderful role model to me as I mother my own children.

I often reflect on the tremendous amount of time, energy and sacrifice children require, and the fact that a woman who did not have to, spent four decades loving me with everything in her. Contrary to the idea that adopted children may feel abandoned, I felt so loved, so treasured, and so wanted. I give thanks every day for my biological mother who cared enough to want the best for me, and made the supreme sacrifice of making sure that I grew up in a loving family. She made the right decision, and I’m so grateful for her wisdom.

Adoption: How Much Does It Cost?

Adoption, Family - adopt, adoption, adoption assistance, adoption community, adoption fee, Adoption Resources, adoption tax credit, adoption vs. IVF, adoption vs. surrogacy, adoptive parent profiles, adoptive parents, cost of adoption, employer adoption assistance, employer tax credits, families, parenting - October 14, 2014

Overwhelmed by the costs of adoption? It may not be quite what you think…

Individuals and couples wishing to have a child but unable to do so naturally typically have two options: adoption or assisted reproduction (ART). Both options are relatively comparable in cost, with the average price of a domestic adoption in the United States ranging from $20,000-$45,000 and a donor egg pregnancy via in vitro fertilization priced between $20,000-$35,000. If, however, you require a donor embryo, the cost could be $7,500-$20,000, and gestational carrier/surrogacy can drive the cost from $50,000 to over $100,000.

Assuming, however, you are looking simply at the comparable donor egg option, one important thing to keep in mind is that adoption, unlike assisted reproduction, offers a federal tax credit and many employers offer credits as well. For a couple with combined annual incomes of less than $180,000, the federal adoption credit could be up to $13,190. Employer tax credits typically range from $2,000-$5,000 and are offered by companies like SAS, CISCO, IBM, the United States Department of Defense and many others.

I encourage clients to determine first how much these credits will offset their cost of adoption to determine their ‘bottom-line’ cost.

So now that you have done your cost analysis, how do you afford your ‘bottom-line’? Most adoptive families are middle-income and are able to work out the costs over time. Options for financing an adoption include:

Borrowing against home equity, allowing a deduction while waiting for the tax credit;
Borrowing against a retirement or 401K plan
Grants and adoption assistance programs through public and private organizations;
Asking family members and relatives to assist with cost

Where there’s a will, there’s a way!

E. Parker Herring is a Board Certified Family Law Specialist and managing partner of Herring & Mills, PLLC, a Raleigh family law firm. Herring is also director of A Child’s Hope, a North Carolina licensed adoption agency.

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Adopting and Raising a Child with Special Needs Can Be a Blessing

Adopting and raising a child with special needs is not for everyone….

There are many adoptive parents who have taken on the loving and demanding job of adopting and raising a child with special needs. These parents in my mind are as special as the children they adopt.

What I hear frequently from adoptive parents who are offered the opportunity to adopt a child born with special needs is that if they had given birth to the child they wouldn’t hesitate. They think of the child as their own almost from the start and they become fierce advocates. For many its a lifetime commitment.

One of my favorite memories as an adoption agency director is seeing a three year old named Matthew laughing at a local mall as he tried to run away from his parents, Jack and Peggy. His parents smiled broadly, they were so proud. He was a beautiful toddler , with black curls and a smile that was big and open. And he didn’t walk, he ran…

“And this is the child that we were told might never walk, “ Peggy said “And look at him now. We have to run to keep up.“ The family added another son by adoption, Michael, # of years later. The brothers are best friends!

Michael was born with a life threatening physical condition called esophageal fistula. He was airlifted shortly after birth to a major medical center. Jack and Peggy were with him while he had 7 operations, first to connect his esophagus to his stomach and then later to remove a finger that didn’t function and construct a thumb from his index finger. He still has challenges swallowing and has had four procedures in the last two years.

Jack and Peggy’s time and heart commitment has been enormous . Michael is now thirteen years old and doing well. “You have to take on what you feel you can handle,” Peggy said recently. “We feel blessed. “

Thank you to Director Parker Herring and parents Jack and Peggy for allowing us to share their story.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

When a Long Adoption Wait Ends with Just a Few Days Notice!

Adoption, Family - adopt, adopted, adoption, adoptive parents, birth father, birth mother, birth parents, birthfather, birthmother, child, children, choices, families, family, open adoption, parenting - December 20, 2013

Bill and Priscila have been waiting for over three years to adopt a brother or sister for their son Thomas, who was placed with them five and a half years ago in the Agency’s offices. Yesterday was the the end to their long adoption journey…

Bill and Priscila were notified by the Agency on Tuesday and offered the opportunity to adopt a nine pound baby boy who was a last minute placement. They got it together in two days time and came with smiles and a car seat!

Sometimes birth mothers make last minute decisions at the hospital to place their baby for adoption, and when they do, there is a lot of hard work done by many people to make the last minute placement work. Social workers, attorneys and staff scramble to make birth mom’s situation and the baby’s transition go as smoothly as possible.

Today, this nine pound baby named Lucas was dressed for Christmas and handed over to the adoptive parents by his respite care provider. It was worth the wait his parents said. Big brother Thomas leaned down to his brother in the car seat before they left the agency and when asked what he thought about his new baby brother, Thomas grinned and said “So far he’s been pretty good .”

A Big thank you to Bill, Priscila, Thomas and Lucas for allowing us to tell the story of their adoption journey!

Do you have a story you’d like to tell? Email us at blog.ach@foryourlife.com. Visit us at www.AChildsHope.com, or call if you are a birth mother, please call our Birth Mother Hotline at 1-877-890-HOPE (4976) so one of our adoption counselors can answer your questions confidentially.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

Placement Day – The Best Gift of All!!

Hunter and Laura got the best Christmas gift that anyone could ask for at Christmas – a newborn boy placed lovingly in their arms by their birth mother!! The adoptive parents and the birthmother had agreed on a name – Hezekiah – to be called “Kiah” for short.

This was not the first time that the intended parents had seen the baby – they held their heart in their hands last Sunday when they visited him in the hospital. We took photographs then and marveled at how beautiful he was. During the seven day waiting period that North Carolina law requires, the birthmother was very emotional as one could expect and was counseled.

It was a difficult week for her, but she stayed firm in her decision to place the baby for adoption. On placement day, she lovingly held the baby again for an hour in the agency’s offices while the adoptive parents executed legal documents.

She kissed him tenderly as she held him and told him how much she loved him. He was very alert and would glace up at her while she was talking to him.

She selflessly and lovingly gave her baby and the adoptive parents the Best Gift of All!

The parts we play in helping our families create forever families through adoption is a rewarding one and we love to share their stories!!

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

FINALLY HOME!

For those of you who have sent best wishes to Baby Boy Hudson, he is finally home from the hospital!

At nine weeks old Hudson has had a long wait in the hospital since birth before he could travel home to be with adoptive parents Marcy and Philip and 9 year old brother, Tyler. Baby Boy Hudson was transferred shortly after birth and has been in two major medical centers since that time. He has endured numerous tests, surgeries and the diagnosis and treatment is still continuing. But on August 27, 2013, Hudson traveled home and neighbors, friends, and family had a celebration in mind. And what a celebration it was!!

Babies born and placed with adoptive parents and those who are born and live with biological parents all have in common the fact that good health should not be taken for granted. God plans for some babies to need special care life long and some to go home shortly after birth and thrive and meet milestones. Hudson is one of those special care babies, and his adoptive family has been with him every step of the way, no day without a visit and many days with tears and coping with the medical procedures.

A Big thank you to Hudson and his family for allowing us to share their story!

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

We Want to Hear Your Adoption Story!!

Whether you are a birth mother, an adoptive parent, adoptive parent or adoption professional, we want to hear your story!

Beginning September 3, 2013 A Child’s Hope will launch our Facebook Contest “A Note from the Heart”.

To enter join us on September 3, upload your photograph and a “Note From the Heart” about your adoption experience (Entry must be 500 words or less)

Contest Rules and Details –

RULES
Categories:
For Birth mothers and Families Adoptees
Adoptive Parents and Families
Adoption Professionals
Users will submit their photo and story into one of the four categories beginning on September 3, at 12:00AM EST (Eastern Time). Each person is allowed one submission, but multiple submissions about specific adoption stories are allowed (e.g. a birth mother and her adoption counselor can both submit an entry about their experience working together and building a lifetime bond). All submissions that include a link to a Pinterest board with more photos of their story will automatically earn 10 bonus votes!

**View Official Rules and Privacy Policy.
PRIZES
The adoption story that receives the most votes in each category will win a $150 gift card! Be sure to encourage people you know to enter the contest and share their story, and tell your friends and family to visit the page and vote for your story!

**Winners will be notified via e-mail and announced on Facebook following the conclusion of the contest.

VOTES
Your vote for your favorite adoption story will help decide our winner. Judges from an expert panel of contest sponsors will select finalists from each of the categories. Facebook fans will have an opportunity during the public voting period from September 3 at 12:00AM EST to September 30 11:59PM EST to choose their favorite adoption story from the selected finalists.

“A Note From The Heart” Contest is sponsored by Noah Z.M. Goetz Foundation, Our Chosen Child, My Adoption Advisor and A Child’s Hope.

Please remember that this is a public site open to anyone; therefore, anything you post can be seen by anyone.

Pregnancy Hotline: call or text (919) 971-4396

Want to Adopt a Child? Call (919) 839-8800

Family

The Benefits of Open Adoption

What are Open Adoptions?

Advantages of Open Adoptions

Could An Open Adoption Be Right For You?

Creating Family Through The Miracle of Adoption!

The Journey to Becoming a Parent Through Adoption!

Every Mother / Child Love Story is Beautiful, but Ours is My Favorite

Adoption: How Much Does It Cost?

Adopting and Raising a Child with Special Needs Can Be a Blessing

When a Long Adoption Wait Ends with Just a Few Days Notice!

Placement Day – The Best Gift of All!!

FINALLY HOME!

We Want to Hear Your Adoption Story!!

Birthmother Hotline: (877) 890-4673

Envia Un Texto: (919) 218-6270

Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396