Education

10 Great Reads to Spark the Holiday Spirit

Children, Education, Family, Parenting - , , , -

Reading is one of the great pleasures, especially during the holidays. With kids in holiday jammies, sometimes there’s nothing better than kicking back in your favorite spot at home with a celebrated book in hand. A Child’s Hope has a few names up our sleeves of favorites our families have shared throughout the years, add these to all the traditional titles. We know that representation matters, and love that Santa comes in many different colors. Snuggle up with your favorite books this year, and soak in the holiday spirit with family and friends.

  1. A World of Cookies for Santa
  2. I got the Christmas Spirit
  3. All the Colors of Christmas
  4. Walk this World at Christmastime
  5. Lil’ Rabbits Kwanzaa
  6. Queen is Hanukkah Dosas
  7. ‘Twas Nochebuena
  8. The Night before Christmas
  9. Let’s Celebrate! Special Days Around the World
  10. A Very Noisy Christmas

About Author E. Parker Herring:
Parker Herring has a deep respect and understanding of family law and the adoption process, through which she adopted two of her children. She is the founder and director of A Child’s Hope, a North Carolina licensed adoption agency located in Raleigh that focuses on helping birth mothers and families looking to adopt and answer questions about adoption. A Child’s Hope has placed nearly 450 children since 2000 and is the only North Carolina domestic adoption agency directed by an attorney. Herring has practiced for more than 35 years in the Raleigh area. She is a member of the N.C. Bar Association, Wake County Bar Association, and N.C. Collaborative Lawyers.

Shining a Light on Adoption: Celebrating Adoption Awareness Month

Children, Comunity, Education, Family - -

November is a special month that shines a spotlight on a journey that forever changes lives – adoption. It’s a time when communities, adoption agencies, and families come together to celebrate Adoption Awareness Month. At A Child’s Hope, we are deeply committed to supporting and promoting the beautiful and loving process of adoption. In this Article, we explore the significance of Adoption Awareness Month, its impact on families, and the importance of advocating for the welfare of babies in need of loving families.

Understanding Adoption Awareness Month

Adoption Awareness Month, also known as National Adoption Month, has been celebrated since 1976. Its primary aim is to raise awareness about the urgent need for adoptive families for children waiting in the foster care system, but it also serves to honor all forms of adoption and the incredible journeys it entails. Many of the children placed through the agency were at risk for Department of Social Services intervention as they grew older were they not placed for adoption. 

The Heart of Adoption: Building Families

Adoption is an extraordinary journey of love, hope, and resilience. For birth parents, it may involve making a deeply emotional and selfless decision to provide a secure and loving home for their child. For adoptive families, it’s the fulfillment of a dream to nurture and raise a child, making the child an integral part of their family.

Supporting Birth Parents and Adoptive Families

At A Child’s Hope, we recognize that the path to adoption is a unique and often emotional journey for birth parents and adoptive families. We are dedicated to offering guidance, support, and expert assistance to help all parties involved make the best decisions for themselves and their children.

The Miracle of Family through Adoption

Adoption creates families that defy cultural, racial, and geographical boundaries. It underscores the belief that family is built on love and acceptance, regardless of differences. Adoptive families come in all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds, beautifully reflecting a diverse society.

Myths Debunked: The Truth about Adoption

Let’s dispel some common myths about adoption:

  1. Adoption is not a second-best choice: It’s a deliberate, wonderful way to grow a family.

  2. Adoption isn’t just for couples facing infertility: It’s open to anyone with the capacity to provide love, care, and stability to a child.

  3. Adoption isn’t a one-time event: It’s an ongoing journey filled with joy, challenges, and personal growth.

The Importance of Open Adoption

Open adoption, a concept gaining popularity, emphasizes maintaining varying degrees of contact and communication between birth parents, adoptive families, and adopted children. This approach fosters trust, understanding, and a strong sense of identity for the child. Children placed in open adoption do not have to fervently search for their biological parents as they grow older because the birth family and the adoptive family have been in touch since the beginning.

Get Involved: Make a Difference

Adoption Awareness MonthAdoption Awareness Month is not only about celebrating adoption but also about making a tangible difference in the lives of children in need of loving homes. You can:

  • Become an Advocate: Raise awareness about adoption in your community.
  • Consider Adoption: If you’ve ever thought about adoption, now might be the perfect time to explore this journey. Learn more about A Child’s Hope, click here.
  • Support Birth Parents: Empower and support birth parents in their courageous choices.

Adoption Awareness Month is an opportunity to honor the remarkable journey of adoption and the extraordinary families it creates. It’s a time to dispel myths, raise awareness, and encourage more families to open their hearts to the gift of family through adoption. Together, we can make a meaningful difference in the lives of children and parents, ensuring that every child finds a loving and nurturing forever home.

Citations and References:

  1. Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2021). National Adoption Month.
  2. Adoption Council. (2021). National Adoption Month 2021.

Adoption Books for Kids – Little Miss Spider

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It’s never too early to talk to your little one about being adopted, and there are some great children’s books out there to help. One of our favorites is Little Miss Spider. In the book, Little Miss Spider learns that family is about love, not what you look like.  On the very first day of Miss Spider’s life, she pops out of her egg to find her brothers and sisters scooting all around her. But where is her mother? Lucky for Little Miss Spider, kind and caring Betty Beetle is there to fill the role. Storyteller and artist David Kirk has brilliantly created a lively and sweet adoption story in which Miss Spider searches high and low before happily discovering that a mother’s love can come from many sources.

The story is also available on YouTube or you can check it out on Amazon.

Some of the questions your child will ask may be difficult, but if you plan ahead, those difficult conversations will become incredible bonding experiences.

Celebrating Black History Month with Kids

Children, Comunity, Education, Family, Parenting -

Black History Month ACHEach February, National Black History Month serves as both a celebration and a powerful reminder that Black history is American history, Black culture is American culture, and Black stories are essential to the ongoing story of America — our faults, our struggles, our progress, and our aspirations. 

Parents.com offers resources to talk to kids about the history of people of African descent and pay tribute to the many achievements of Black individuals.

There are a wide variety of books available by age on Amazon.

Read the Full Article at: Parents.com

Top Adoption Myths, Busted

Adoption, Education -

By E. Parker Herring

The most common concerns I hear from birth mothers regarding adoption are concerns about the child feeling abandonment or resentment toward their birth mother, and also whether adoptive parents have the capacity to love adopted children as much as they would a biological child. These seem like logical questions at first, unless you’ve worked with adoptive families for years. The length that these families go through to adopt — the expense, the work, and the time that these families invest in the process — is reflective of a very strong desire for a family.  And the absolute joy in their hearts when they are matched with a child is nothing short of extraordinary. These children are the most wanted, adored, and loved on the planet!

As open adoptions have become the norm for our agency, we encourage birth mothers to communicate with the child over the years. The best way for you to assure that your child knows that you love him is to give the adoptive parents something – a letter or a life book – that will show your love and express how you feel. Then continue to follow up over the years, and the child will be assured that you never forgot them, and only want the best for them.

The U.S. Department of Health and Services has posted the latest adoption statistics taken from the 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents (NSAP). This is the first empirical study with quantifiable evidence that can be used to combat common misconceptions that prospective birth parents and adoptive families have about adoption. These adoption statistics prove many of the more widespread misconceptions to be false.

General Adoption Misconceptions vs. Adoption Statistics

Misconception: “Will the adopted child be loved as much as a biological child?”

This is a very natural feeling that both the adoptive family and birth parents share before entering into an adoption. Any fears of the adoptive family not loving a child simply because it doesn’t have their genes are immediately eliminated as soon as the adoptive parents first lay eyes on their baby. This is true in nearly every single adoption.

Look no further than how the adoptive parents interact with the adopted child: Nearly 3 out of every 4 adopted children ages 0-5 are read to or sang to every day, compared with only half of non-adopted children who receive the same attention from their biological parents. Furthermore, well over half of all adopted children eat dinner with their families at least six days per week. 

It’s no surprise that the adoption statistics show how much adoptive parents cherish the time they have with their children. They appreciate every day the opportunity to be a mom and a dad, and it shows.

They are the first ones at their son’s soccer practice, and they are in the front row of their daughter’s play. Their lives quite literally revolve around their children.

At first glance, the statistic about the majority of adopted children being read to every day may not seem like much, but looking further into the stat gives a glimpse into what adoptive parents are all about. Couples who struggle with infertility gain an astounding appreciation for the gift of parenthood. Adoption presents the couple with another chance to reclaim their dreams of raising a child, and it shows in the little things, such as reading to him or her before bed.

Another national adoption statistic says that 9 out of every 10 adoptive couples said the relationship they share with their adopted child is “very close,” and nearly half said that their relationship is even “better than expected.” Also, more than 9 out of every 10 people said they would “definitely” make the same decision to adopt again.

These statistics are remarkable considering all of the special needs babies that are adopted and the other complexities that may occur through adoption. These statistics proves that no matter how difficult the adoption process can be emotionally, the end result is what matters and that the family unequivocally loves the child.

Birth Mother Misconceptions vs. Adoption Statistics

Misconception: “My child will hate me because I placed her for adoption.”

This feeling is a consequence of people and media that are inexperienced in adoption. An extended family member or a friend who may not agree with the pregnant woman’s desire to place her child for adoption may say that the child will hate her if she goes through with it. Similarly, some television shows and movies have unjustly portrayed adoptees in this way as well.

The adoption statistic shows that over 90 percent of adopted children ages 5 and older have positive feelings about their adoption. Most adopted children are raised in happy homes by loving adoptive parents, so why would an adopted child hate his birth parents, the ones who provided him with a great life and his mom and dad?

Recently we posted a blog by a woman who shared her journey as an adopted child, speaking of the love that she felt for her adoptive mother, who she knew only as “Mom.” It’s a beautiful testament to the bond between mother and child that has little to do with biology, and everything to do with love.

For more, read about how Scott and Jennifer feel about their birth parents.

Birth mothers who are considering placing their child for adoption, are encouraged to contact A Child’s Hope on our 24-hour hotline at 877-890-4673 or text “pregnant” to 919-971-4396. Our compassionate counselors can listen and provide the information you need to make the best decision for you and your child.

Six Questions About Placing a Child for Adoption During the Coronavirus

Adoption, Comunity, Education, Family - -

Q. Are adoptions still happening in NC?

A. Yes. In most counties of North Carolina are allowing filings the courts are now open, doing virtual hearings as needed.

Q. Will I be all alone at the hospital?

A. In North Carolina, we see hospitals allowing only the pregnant woman and ONE support person in the labor and delivery room. The adoptive parents are being allowed to care for the child during hospitalization after passing COVID protocols.

Q. Is there financial assistance for mothers during COVID-19?

A. Yes, we are offering more support. There are additional stressors on birth mothers due to unemployment and other critical logistics, such as fewer Uber drivers providing transportation services.

We can be flexible in how financial support is provided. We pay landlords directly, hotels by the week, and can even offer some housing expense reimbursement to your relatives if they take you in during your pregnancy.

When an Uber is not available, we are offering gas money/cards to reimburse friends or family members who provide transportation.

In addition, North Carolina law allows up to six weeks of support after delivery. So, we can help you get situated after you leave the hospital.

Q. When should I reach out to an agency about adoption for my baby?

A private adoption plan gives you choices about the family, as well as contact details between you, the family and the child as they grow.

The more notice an agency has, the more help we can give in terms of answering questions and making the process go smoothly. But, we will gladly work with you on an adoption plan at any time. We can quickly respond when childbirth is imminent, matching you with one of the nearly two dozen waiting families ready to bring a child into their home.

If you suspect that the Department of Social Services may get involved after your child is born because you are homeless or the baby may test positive for drugs, we encourage you to make your adoption plan as soon as possible, before delivery. Once DSS is involved, it is harder to make a private adoption plan and have choices regarding the family that cares for your child.

Q. Can I safely find and meet with the adopting parents?

A. Birth mothers traditionally locate an adoption agency or adoptive parent profiles through the internet. Fortunately, the internet is Coronavirus safe. All of our waiting families are listed on our website for birth parents to review. See the Family Profiles page.

At A Child’s Hope, we provide three ways for birth mothers to contact us. They call the pregnancy hotline at 877-890-4673, text Pregnant to 919-971-5663, or email admin@achildshope.com. The hotline operator then communicates with the birth mother and talks her through the process.

After the initial discussion, one of our eight adoption counselors spread throughout the state works with the mother. They communicate via phone, meet virtually, as well as arrange in-person meetings. We ask that masks and worn, but we can meet.

We provide the same options for match meetings with adoptive parents. They can occur virtually or in-person practicing proper social distancing and wearing masks.

Q: Ready to Learn More?

A: Call the pregnancy hotline TODAY at 877-890-4673, text Pregnant to 919-971-5663, or email admin@achildshope.com.

For guidance on better mental health during the pandemic, check out these resources:

Ark Behavioral Health

rehab4addiction

AddictionResources.net

Talking to Your Children About COVID-19

Children, Education, Parenting -

NCTSN suggests opening an ongoing dialogue with your child.

  • Talk about their feelings and validate them.
  • Help them express their feelings through drawing or other activities.
  • Clarify misinformation or misunderstandings about how the virus is spread and that not every respiratory disease is COVID-19.
  • Provide comfort and a bit of extra patience.
  • Check back in with your children on a regular basis or when the situation changes.

The CDC offers Six General Principles for Talking to Children:

  • Remain calm and reassuring.
  • Make yourself available to listen and to talk.
  • Avoid language that might blame others and lead to stigma.
  • Pay attention to what children see or hear on television, radio, or online.
  • Provide information that is honest and accurate.
  • Teach children everyday actions to reduce the spread of germs.

Why Adoption Wait Times Are Longer For Some Families

Adoption, Education, Parenting -

By Parker Herring

One question I am always asked is, “how long will it take to adopt?” The answer is always, “it depends.”

A family’s wait time is dependent on how open they are to the seven common factors seen in adoption.

The Race of the Child
The single most significant factor in how long a family has to wait for a baby is their willingness to adopt a child of a different race. While consideration of race is important for many adoptive families, having openness in adopting a minority-race child will dramatically shorten the wait time.

Over the past 20 years directing an adoption agency in North Carolina, I have observed firsthand that the number of minority newborns and children of color available for adoption outnumber Caucasian children three to one.

Specifying Gender
If a family specifies that they only want a boy or a girl, the wait time may increase. While 51% of babies born are male, by specifying a gender – male or female, the adopting family automatically eliminates themselves from consideration as parents to at least 49% of the available children. Moreover, the decision to place a child for adoption is seldom predicated on the child’s gender. So, there may be periods when nearly 100% of the available babies are not a gender match.

Tolerance for Birth Mother Substance Use 
At a Child’s Hope, one in four women considering adoption for their baby admit to consuming alcohol and using other substances. There is a nationwide opioid abuse crisis, and drug use among pregnant women has increased proportionately. It is typical to see alcohol, tobacco and recreational drug use in many of the opportunities. The openness and willingness to evaluate each situation individually will allow prospective parents to say YES to more birth mother situations.

Birth Mother Prenatal Care
A woman with an unplanned pregnancy may not realize she’s expecting until after the second trimester. Several times a year, we have birth mothers who wait until they get to the hospital before they make an adoption plan. In these cases, the birth mother may not have had any prenatal care.

In addition, she may have issues that stand in the way of making all of the recommended doctor visits like transportation, childcare, or work conflicts. A Child’s Hope works hard from the time the birth mothers’ signs with the agency to ensure regular prenatal care going forward. We will even accompany her to appointments. Therefore, acceptance of a less-than-perfect prenatal history opens the door to more available babies.

A Verified Birth Father from the Outset
Situations where the birth father has been identified, provided DNA and signed a parental release only account for roughly 60% of the adoption scenarios. That leaves about

40% of A Child’s Hope placements that have complicated birth father issues. In these cases, the expecting mother may state she doesn’t know who the father is, or name multiple men. Even when the correct name and contact information is provided, he may not be locatable or responsive. Every situation is different; evaluate accordingly.

Family Medical History
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness says 1 in 5 Americans will experience mental illness. The National Health Council reports that chronic disease affects more than 40% of Americans. Insisting on a clean bill of physical and mental health from both birth parents can greatly prolong wait time in adoption situations.

Level of Openness
Generally, there are three types of adoptions available: Closed, which means that neither the adoptive parents nor the birth parents meet, see pictures or stay in touch. Closed adoptions are rare today. Semi-open is when the adoptive parents and birth patents communicate through the agency over the years. Open adoption is where adoptive parents and birth parents exchange contact information, and then set a plan for communication. At A Child’s Hope, approximately 98% of birth parents are looking for an open adoption.

How these decisions may affect wait times:

The wait may be three years or more if:

  1. The child must be a full Caucasian girl; and
  2. The birth mother had prenatal care throughout the pregnancy never consuming nicotine, alcohol or drugs; and
  3. The birth father provided DNA as well as signed a parental release; and
  4. The birth parents are in peak mental and physical condition; and
  5. The adoption must be closed or semi-open

The wait may be less than one year if:

  1. The adoption is open; and
  2. The child can be an African American boy; and or
  3. The adopting parents are flexible on prenatal care, substance usage by the birth mother, as well as the overall health of both birth parents; and or
  4. The adopting parents are willing to work through birth father issues.

No Regrets
The family you are building is YOURS and a lifelong decision. So, it is perfectly okay to be clear on your child’s race, gender, prenatal care and other considerations. So be patient. The right child for you is out there, but it requires patience. He or she may not have been conceived yet.

BACK TO SCHOOL FOR ADOPTED CHILDREN

Adoption, Children, Comunity, Education, Family -

Just starting school or returning from summer break can be difficult. For many children who are adopted this can be compounded with an awkwardness about family relationships. In some cases, the difference is obvious, such as when a child and their parents are different ethnicities or the parents are of the same gender. While taxing at times, a visual difference can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. It often evokes questions or comments early when meeting people and allowing the issue to be addressed head-on.

For other students, skin tone doesn’t tell the story. For them, the awkwardness arises during school assignments. Examples may include: creating a family tree or student timeline, researching genetics, or bringing in baby and family pictures for a bulletin board. Uneasiness can also occur in student-to-student conversations about family and background.

Some parents choose not to address the issue at all, one mother stating:

Just as I don’t go to the school and point out that my children are biracial or fantastic athletes, or that their dad is a doctor, we leave it up to the kids whether to mention adoption. Our children share information about their adoption—and
other information—when it seems right to do so for them. It has worked for us.”

Many adoption experts suggest that parents talk to teachers to explain the adoption connection. They recommend using a simple explanation that includes only the information that the parents and child are comfortable sharing. The conversation starter may go like this:

“Michael was adopted by us as a newborn, and we have an open adoption with his birth mother.”

Or, keep it really simple:

“Michael is adopted and he (does or does not) know his birth family.”

Ultimately, it is up to the parents to decide what is right for their child and family. For parents that choose to be proactive, bringing the topic up with teachers at the start of the school year is often best. The teacher may wish to make a discussion about different family types as part of their lesson plans.

School Resources

For teachers who are not familiar with the world of adoption, offering your own knowledge as a resource may be extremely helpful and very welcome guidance. Handouts like the one by Adoptive Families magazine help both the child and the teacher answer many common questions – Click here to download.

A discussion about positive adoption language and words can also be valuable. Consider sharing with the teacher this link to an article on the Adoptive Families website.

https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/talking-about-adoption/positive-adoption-language/.

Books for the School:

Parents may also wish to donate a book or two to the classroom. Here are a few titles for consideration:

The Mulberry Bird by Braff Brodzinsky & Anne Braff

Over the Moon: An Adoption Tale by Karen Katz

Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis

I Love You Like Crazy Cakes by Rose Lewis

If the teacher isn’t comfortable with books that speak directly to adoption, some alternatives include

On The Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman

The Family Book by Todd Parr

It’s Ok To Be Different by Todd Parr

Be Who You Are by Todd Parr

How parents communicate with teachers about adoption sets the precedent for how the teacher will likely treat the topic of adoption and address situations that arise among the students. Parents that are concerned about questions or conflicts should consider taking a proactive approach and engage with the teachers.

Birthmother Hotline: (877) 890-4673

Envia Un Texto: (919) 218-6270

Text: Pregnant to (919) 971-4396